Why Fireflies Flash
by kaylap1410
Summary: Wherever she goes, all that I know about us is that beautiful things never last. That's why fireflies flash -Lyrics by Ron Pope. Clary had always been invisible. Jace had always been reckless. Love is something that catches them by surprise. But somethings just never last. All Human love story. Disclaimer: I don't own this song or the series!
1. Coloring in the Lines

I was in no possible way jealous. I was not jealous that my only friend since forever is dating Ashely Perkenson or the fact my mother is finally getting re-married. I was not depressed to know that I was all alone. I was simply bored. Yeah, that was it.

My mom thought I needed a therapist. She didn't understand why I dodn't want any more friends. Why I was in denial that my mother and Simon were leaving me for their own lives. It was not like I wasn't not happy for them. I really was. I just was not looking for someone else to jump into my life. I'd been completely content with life so far and making a new friend would only ruin that. At least I thought so. Maybe I did need a therapist.

I was cutting it close. It was fifteen more minutes until school started and I was still in bed. I sighed. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to be reminded that I was officially a loner. Of course my better, more responsible side of me got myself out of bed, dressed, fed, and ready for school.I grabbed my car keys and raced outside. Normally I walk to school which is about a five minute walk away, but with only five minutes until I was tardy, I was willing to waste a tiny bit of gas in my mom's Honda. I got to school with about two minutes to left. My math teacher had always been strict about tardiness in her class and after being tardy seven times this semester, I only needed one more mark and I would have detention. I ran to my class coming in thirty seconds after the bell. Like I said, strict math teacher.

"Clary, you're tardy," she yelled as I walked in.

"Thanks for pointing it out Ms. Wane," I told her. I don't know why I back talked her. Normal Clary would have just sat down and except detention like a good tardy person would. I was tired, careless, and frustrated Clary and apparently, this Clary came with back talk.

"Well, Miss Fray, I guess you don't need me then to point you out the principal's office?" I never did like Ms. Wane. She's just grouchy all the time because her boyfriend dumped her for her prettier and nicer younger sister who got the new school principal job over her. I waited for Ms. Wane to write me up before I headed over to Mrs. Copland's office. She was already busy, talking to the school ass, Jace Lightwood.

He was drenched in water and had his swim junks on. I sighed. This boy had always done stupid things like this ever since kindergarten when he made the teacher think his nose was bleeding. It took thirty minutes in nurses office for them to realize that it was just ketchup.

"Jace," Mrs. Copland said with a stern sing-song tone in her voice, "it has been ten minutes within the school day and you've already turned one of the classrooms in the swimming pool? Do you realize that we have to pay to for this damage?"

"Mrs. Copland," Jace said mimicking her, "did you realize, I'm rich?""Look, Mr. Lightwood, we choose to ignore you ridiculous tactics because your parents are major donators to the school and you do extraordinary in football. But Jace, I can no longer look out for you. One more crazy antic and am afraid it will lead it expulsion. Understand?"

"Yes, Mrs. Copland," Jace mumbled. The Principal noticed me for the first time.

"Ahh, Miss Fray! Why don't you come in? Jace, you may go," Jace left the office without even looking at me. He had a smug little smile on his face and walked down the hall to his classroom. I kept staring at him until Mrs. Copland brought me back to reality.

"Miss Fray, please don't tell me you're falling for that boy like every other girl here is," she ranted. She took a long gulp of her morning coffee and turned towards me in her large, super comfy looking, desk chair.

"Nope," I said and handed her my note from her horrid sister, "just wondering how a boy like that can be so...wet?" Mrs. Copland laughed as she scanned through the note.

"Clary, I know my sister is thick so I am going to ignore this entire note and sense summer is next week, I'll ignore your tardiness as well. Make sure this doesn't happen next year, though. I'm so tired of Sarah sending clearly good children to me for stupid reasons. Sorry for my unprofessional language and behavior but it's been a stressful morning. Clary, though, I must ask. You've pretty much never been tardy until this month. Is everything alright?" she asked. I looked at her. Of course everything was not alright! My mother is marrying someone in Massachusetts and I will have to transfer schools next year. My best and only friend can't hang out with me over the week or any weekend because he is obsessed with his new girlfriend. And I don't know how to tell them all that I got into an art school in California that only lets in 20 applicants every year out of three thousand. I hate change. I absolutely despise it but I can't do anything about it. And summer is next week. Great.

I shook my head.

"Okay, well then. Looks like you're good to go," she sent me back to class. Math is one of those classes where I just start to count the minutes when I'm stressed out. I have million things on my mind; I'm not going to remember logarithms. The bell rings though, not soon enough. I rushed out of math and pass by my next two classes with the next two hours and then there's lunch.

Simon and Ashley were already at our table, feeding each other french fries. It's not that I was jealous of her and in love with Simon like most people think. Simon had been my best friend since birth basically and I would never see him like that. But Ashley maked me want to pull my hair out and scream. She thinks she's the smartest person to ever walk on the planet and that everyone should kiss the ground she walks on. Honestly, I thought she should date Lightwood. They both love mirrors and he could always use a tutor. I went and sat at the table without them even noticing me. I sighed as took out my sketch book and colored pencils. I had let drawing take over me as I saw the image in my head and let it pour out on my paper. In my drawing, my mother was on one side with Luke, her fiancée, in her wedding dress waiting to be married. On the same side, Simon was making out with Ashley, like he is now. On the other side of the paper was me, uncolored, invisible. I'd always taken pride in being invisible before. It kept me out of gossip and drama. But maybe being colored in wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

I couldn't take another moment of Ashley eating Simon's face and got up placing my sketch book in my hand, lunch bag in the other. Just as I turned to look for another table, I bumped into the popular bitch named Isabel Lightwood, Jace's little sister. Maybe I should have stayed invisible.

"Bitch!" she said as her lunch fell all over me and I dropped my stupid brown bag and sketch book, "maybe you should watch where your going and next time, you won't have to pay for my lunch."

"Excuse me?" I asked. She didn't really expect me to buy her lunch did she? Her food was all over me and was falling down my bra. If anyone was going to buy anyone anything, it was going to be her, buying me a new shirt.

"I can't eat my lunch now. It's in your hair."

"Exactly. You're rich anyways. You don't need middle class citizens, especially when you just dropped food down their shirts, to buy you lunch. That's the reason there is a recession."

I don't know what is up with me and back talk today. But to be honest, it feels kind of good.

"I can't understand you. You're talking with food in your bra," she laughed as she took a spin at table educate joke. But finally she walked away. I sighed, pulling spaghetti out of my bra and went to the bathroom to get the marinara sauce out of my hair. The sink is red when I was done and so was my once white t-shirt. A senior, Maia Roberts, walks through the door and sees it.

"Jeez! You must be the chick Isabel dumped her lunch on. You didn't do a very good job at cleaning it up," she said. I laughed a sarcastic laugh.

"I don't think I could get out a huge red stain in a white blouse. No one has that many Tide-to-Gos," I joked. Maia laughed.

"You've got a little funny bone on you. I've never seen you around before, though," she said.

"That's because I've pride in being invisible. But today I figured, fuck it," I said sarcastically. She laughed again.

"Okay, because I like you, I'll give you something. But if you tell Isabel I gave you this I won't ever talk to you. Alright?" she pulled a dark blue t-shirt. I eyed it like a Christmas present and she laughed as she threw it at me. Quickly as possible, I threw it over my stained t-shirt. It fit perfectly.

"Give me your phone," she said. I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it to her. She twilled around with it for a little bit before handing it back to me.

"Text me this summer. We can hang out in Times Square, okay?" I nodded. And just for moment, I felt glad to be colored in. And suddenly, the change was no longer something eating inside of me.

* * *

I'd been planning this since I could remember. It was supposed to be my senior prank but I knew I could do something even better for that and I just couldn't wait any longer. It was perfect timing and just HAD to do it. I had woken up early that day knowing what I would do could get me in a lot of trouble. It could possibly ruin my entire life. But I couldn't not do it. That would be like asking me NOT to like girls or NOT to call myself Jace. So I grabbed my swim gear and snuck into the lodge. The school gave the Lightwoods keys when they donated $10,000 for "the kids". This made my job easier. Steal the keys and sneak into the school. They hide them in this big drawer that is locked and that key is hidden under the vegetable drawer in the fridge. I found that out when I looked for carrots because my last girlfriend had a strange obsession with them. After she had been so much help, I almost felt bad breaking up with her. Almost.

After getting the keys, I needed to wake up my brother and sister. I couldn't do this without them. Izzy was cranky like always until I reminded her what our mission was. Alec thought I was in trouble for some reason. I told him that we were flooding the school and he looked slightly rushed to the school. Thankfully my brother drives on the crazy fast side. I grabbed the keys and picked my least favorite classroom. The art teacher was done for the year so the room was empty. Thank the lord!

"Open the window, Jace!" Isabel screamed from outside. The window was slightly more complicated than I had expected but I got it open soon enough. Alec looked super nervous.

"Here. Let's just keep it to one classroom, Jace," he handed me the device that would keep the water from spreading through the whole school. That's when we turned on the hose. Oh how it poured water out perfectly. Once it reached our ankles, Izzy and Alec bailed.

"I need to go to college!" Izzy said as she climbed out the window, "Sorry Jace!"

It was alright. After they left, I changed into my bathing suit and the water reached my knees. I had to get out now so I could shut the water off. I had to time it perfectly. It couldn't reach the window but it couldn't be so low that it didn't even get close to it at course I turned it off perfectly.

That's how I ended up in my swim suit, soaking wet, in the principal's office. She had to get into that door that morning and when it was lock and she couldn't open it with her keys (That was the difficult part for me), she started to freak out. She went around to the window to find me swimming laps. She screamed, "Once your done with your little swim, why don't you stop by my office and we can talk.

I did my job well. Mrs. Copland was a nice lady and a good enough principal but she didn't know how good the damage room was on the bottom floor. That floor doesn't leak at all and doesn't absorb water. I patched the walls with rubber early that year so it wouldn't ruin it at all (don't ask how I did this without being caught). The only thing that costs about my prank, was the fact that they would have to drain the water out.

The Lightwoods would be happy but at least they only had to pay a little bit.

I was lucky. Most people would have been expelled for what I did. But since it caused no damage and the draining would be paid by my parents, I got away with nothing but detention on the final day of school. Hey it could have been worse...And I took joy in coloring in "make an indoor swimming pool" on my bucket list...


	2. Forced into the Spotlight

**Hey! So wasn't sure if I wanted to continue this one or not. I have tried to write so much stuff like my interpretation of City of Heavenly Fire, Mark of Athena. I have a blog reviewing books and am trying to write a book of my own. I am not really good at finishing things. But I have gotten a lot more favorites and follows than I had expected on this so I will continue! Yay!**

**Anyway, I am really proud of myself because that last chapter wasn't depressing for the most part. I tend to write intense stuff so I was surprised to find myself adding a tiny bit of comedy (though except for a few sassy Clary lines, I didn't find it to be that funny). I hate to say it but most likely this story won't stay this light forever. If you want huge spoilers, you can listen to my inspiration for writing this, the song Fireflies by Ron Pope. I am kind of obsessed with that song. His voice is like angels. Anyways, I don't only anything, blah, blah. You get the point. Now back to the story.**

* * *

Jace

Aline Penhallow had her eyes set on me taking her to the end of the year dance. Sure I acted like I didn't know what was going on hoping she would take a hint but she was surprisingly persistent. She would always be waiting by my locker with a flyer for the dance in her hands. She'd start asking me questions about it like what was I going to wear, what time I was going to go and most importantly who I was taking. It wasn't like Aline wasn't hot but I had a strange feeling she was just using me. I saw her move close to Isabels lips when they were talking before. When she wasn't stalking me, she was stalking Izzy. I didn't think she was a lesbian just yet but if she ended up being one, I didn't want to be know for dating a lesbo. And I was not prejudice. I knew Alec is gay and I still love him because he's my brother. Some people are simply not attracted to the opposite sex and that was ok with me. I just wasn't willing to date a girl that was not attracted to me. If she wasn't going to fall in love with me, what was the point when I dumped her?

Isabel came strutting to our lunch table with a pissed off look on her face.

"Who was that bitch that told me to buy my own lunch? The ginger that is the size of a peanut?"

"Don't you think your hyperbolic metaphor is stretching the truth a little too much?" I said. Isabel looked at me to remind me my genius was showing. I shrugged.

"Oh, I paid her to do my end of the year art project. I got an A on that thanks to her. What was her name? Clary, I think," Aline said, rushing to sit in between Izzy and me.

"Is she new?" I asked. If she was back talking Izzy who constantly play Queen Bitch at school, maybe she was worth introducing myself to her.

"No. I'm pretty sure she was in my math class last year. She never really talked though," Aline answered. Aline knew everything about everyone in school but I was surprised to discover she even knew about the invisible ones. Izzy continued looking at her and she sighed.

"Simon Lewis' honorary girlfriend," she gave Izzy that look that said, figure it out.

"Oh, I thought he dumped her for Know-It-All-Ashley," Isabel claimed.

"No, rumor has it, he asked her out and she said no," Aline told us, "I just don't get why though. It is totally obvious she has a crush on him."

"Besides asking her to do your art project, have you ever even talked to her?" I asked Aline. She shook her head.

"So how exactly do you know that she must have a crush on him? Because she's best friends with a guy? Izzy's my best friend and nobody thinks she has a crush on me."

"Well you guys are siblings," Aline countered. I picked up my lunch and turned to find another table. Before I left, I looked back and said "adoptive".

Jordan Kyle wasn't in one of my immediate friend groups but he was on the football team with me and honestly, girl talk couldn't have got more annoying than that moment. So I was eggar to join his table. He was eating steak (though I had no clue where he got it) quietly and hadn't noticed me sitting at his table at first.

"What the hell, dude?" he said still looking at his meat, "I know we talk in practice but I enjoy being a loner and talking to an inconsequent asshole does not help my loner image."

"Then I won't be an ass," I replied back to him.

"I don't think that's possible," he laughed and stuck another piece of food into his mouth. I looked next to him and noticed another bag that was totally a girls. I laughed.

"Doesn't help your loner image having a girlfriend, does it?" he finally looked up from his food. First he looked at the bag then at me then he started cracking up.

"No, I guess Maia doesn't help. Why are you here? Tired of hitting on your little sister?" he remarked.

"I don't like Isabel," I said confused. I smiled showing off my incredibly crooked teeth, "I like pretty much all girls but I don't like my sister. That would be like dating my mom. Well if my mom was still here," I tired to make light of a touchy comment. But I did omit, I missed my mom. I think that's the reason I acted up so much. I had this crazy thought if I kept getting in trouble, she'd come back just to hit me across the head and call me an idiot. It is not something I should have wanted or been proud of but at least she would've been here.

The Lightwoods thought my mother was dead. It don't blame them. She left me at there house one day and said be back as soon as possible. She had to see my father, who, let's put it like this, he was not a very good person. He used to beat her. She had never come back after her little trip and it'd been seven years now. It would have been easier to say she was dead. Secretly, I did wish she was. But I couldn't let myself believe that. Believing she was dead meant she loved me and I never wanted to be loved. I never asked to loved. That's why I hoped she'd been alive that entire time.

"Dude?" Jordan looked at me like I had a panic attack. I shook my head. I needed to stop thinking about my mom. Needed to look ahead for the future. If I was going to have one.

"I'm fine. I was just thinking about something. Hey did you hear about the swimming pool this morning?" I said ready to put more attention on my prank. After I left Mrs. Copland's office, kids were cheering for me everywhere. Apparently, people hated art class as much as I had.

"I did. Do you realize the consequences that could have happened because of this? You could have been kicked off the football team, dude."

"But I didn't! Aren't you glad I turned the art classroom into a pool?" I asked as I finally pigged into my lunch.

"I'm a senior. I don't give a fuck about what happens to art class. I am moving to Chicago next year," Jordan said. He looked around the room and caught eye of something and his eyes brightened up. Maia Roberts was walking towards us with the little redhead girl Izzy was complaining about at the lunch table. Clary, right? She looked uncomfortable walking towards Jordan's table. She looked like she was unsure if she really was supposed to be there. She took a quick glance in the opposite direction. Clearly she didn't like what she saw because she rolled her eyes and looked slightly more confident. Maia pushed her to our table with a shove. She fell into her seat and looked up, right at me. She had really pretty green eyes. The were the color of the light green leaves of the tree in the courtyard that Alec, Izzy and I always used to play on when we were young. She looked away quickly, embarrassed for a second and then changed into excusing.

"You turned the art room into a swimming pool, right? You're an asshole. I left my charcoal pastels in there. They are most likely ruined now. They cost me fifty dollars too!" she looked pissed. I sighed and took out my wallet and handed her a Benjamin.

"Here, buy two sets on me," I said handing her the money. She looked at it wide-eyed like this was some sick joke. Did she not understand I was rich? Maia laughed and Jordan remained expressionless.

"Isn't she hilarious? Jace, Jordan, this is my new friend, Clary Fray. Isabel just dumped food on her and I saw her in the bathroom. You don't think Izzy will be mad at you for talking to her. Do you, Jace?" Maia looked only slightly concerned as she started to steal food from her boyfriend.

I shrugged, "Most likely but she's not my mother."

"Did you just say dating her would be like dating your mother?" Jordan asked with a smug look on his face. I glared at him.

"Yeah, I did Jordan. The key word was a LIKE. As in LIKE my mom," I said irritated. I turned back to the ginger.

"So you're an artist," she wasn't paying attention to me strangely. She was taking out food from her lunch and was having problems with opening her water bottle. I sighed and took it from her. It didn't take much effort to open it. I hand it back to her. She smiled slightly.

"Thanks. You were saying something?" she looked at me with those perfect green eyes. I looked over and Maia and Jordan were playing hooky. I turned back to Clary.

"I just asked if you're an artist which would explain why you have charcoal pastels," I took a bite of my sandwich I packed. She nodded.

"Can I see some of your artwork?" I asked her politely.

"Are you hitting on me? Because I'm not an idiot girl who falls for the first guy with pretty eyes and gets their heartbroken. Okay?" she took a deep breath, "I'm not really used to talking to douche bags and so far you're the second one I've talked to all day. It's kind of a record for me."

Hmm... I didn't think I was hitting on her. I might have come across that way. I took one look at her closely. She was pretty but like she said, she wasn't the type of girl I tend to date. Too much put together and although it was clear she was pushing her boundaries, shy.

"Umm...not really. Sorry but I normally date girls that don't look like they are on fire," I told her.

"Don't be prejudice to gingers. Without us, the world would never know anything but brunettes and blondes. It would be lacking any unique hair colors," she said taking a bite of her apple. Was she flirting? No, that was her personality.

"Not true," I respond, "they would always be those weird people who dye their hair strange colors."

She laughed nodding in agreement. Suddenly, she stopped and looked away. Aline was approaching us with her flirty smile. I looked over at Izzy who was rolling her eyes. I knew Aline's hints were getting tiresome to her too. Finally she was taking matters in her own hands. I hated it but you know, someone had to knock sense into her.

"Jace," she said batting her eyes, "Why did you leave? Isabel, Alec, and the rest of us were just talking about the dance.

"Maia and Jordan stopped making out to watch Aline. Maia rolled her eyes. I always knew Maia hated her. Aline had wanted to date Jordan last year although everyone knew Maia had the biggest crush on him. Maia freaked out and told Jordan finally how she felt about him. They've been dating ever since but Maia still hates Aline for being stupid enough not to know Jordan was hers."Oh really, Aline? And may I ask, why you felt the need to come over here and tell me that?" I asked trying to act stupid.

"You haven't gotten the hints, silly? I've been wanting you to ask me to the dance for two weeks now but I figured you were too nervous to. So I thought I'd make it easier on you. Meet me at seven?" Was she seriously trying to ask me out by making it seem like I was asking her? God this girl was thick.

"You know what, Aline," I smiled back to her, "I can't go with you because," I looked around the room. Clary was sitting there eating her lunch trying to act invisible. I knew she was listening to Aline secretly by her sly little smile. No she wasn't dating material but going to the dance with her seemed more fun than going with Aline. Aline made me want to pull my hair out, "I already asked Clary here and she said yes. I'd hate to cancel on her."

Aline's jaw dropped. She looked at me, then to Clary, then back to me. Clary's reaction was priceless. She had been eating a cookie that she had packed and when I said her name, pretty much everything in her mouth was spit back up and now laid in a gross pile on her napkin. Appealing. She looked at with accusing eyes. _Just go with it_, I thought. She raised her eyebrows at me and said, "Sorry. I didn't know you wanted to go with him."

Thank you! She smiled at me and I knew, I owed her. I nodded slightly before nodding my head and she took in a deep breath.

"Oh, well..." Aline said obviously set back a step, "I guess I'll see you two there. See you later, Jace."

I nodded my head at her. Clary looked at me sternly.

"I don't have to put effort into this, right?" I shook my head. She took her lunch and backpack and stood up."Thanks, Maia! I couldn't stand another second with Whore-it-All over there. See you around," then she turned to me, "Just pick me up a eight. I don't really think we need to go out to dinner. And, Jace," she said just before she walked away, "I really hate the spotlight."


	3. Bitchy Opinions

**So Clary's a big potty mouth in this chappie so that's the main reason why this is rated T. I don't know if I am going to make it dirty or not. I don't think anyone will have sex though there might be references to reproduction in this. Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. No drugs though! And thanks for all the follows and favorites. I had no clue I was going to get so many. Thanks to you guys, I love checking my email to see more and more people like my story.**

* * *

Clary

Are you fucking kidding me? First off, when Maia leads me to the table to sit with her, man-whore/asshole/brother to the girl that had just spilled food on me was at the same table. If you had told the day before that I was going to eat food at the same table as Jace Lightwood, I would have laughed in your face. What was happening to me today. I wasn't this person who talked back to Isabel and ate lunch across from pretty much the biggest player in the entire school. I was pushing it way too much. I know I said I needed to make new friends and stop being so dependent on Simon and my mother but this felt like standing up on the table and screaming "I don't want to be a shitface loser anymore!". Not only that, Jace was making conversation with me and for a little bit, I thought he was flirting with me. Not that I was flirting back. I may have been going mental, but I wasn't ready to push it that far.

Finally, Aline Penhallow came over and started to ask him to that stupid end of the year dance on Friday that I wasn't planning on going to. Jace and Aline would have made the perfect pair in my opinion. She was stupid enough to let him dump her and even I knew, he loved dumping girls like yesterday's trash. Plus she was a slut. A big one. And Jace was probably the biggest whore she had ever heard of. But it was evident from the first second she started talking that he had no interest in dating her. It almost made me want to laugh. Jace, probably the most cocky boys known to man looked like someone had just kicked him in the balls. I smiled slightly as I took a bite of my chocolate chip cookie.

That was when he threw the bomb on me."You know what, Aline? I can't go with you because...I already asked Clary here and she said yes. I'd hate to cancel on her," I threw up my cookie on my napkin in surprise. When did I become apart of his plot to get rid of that slut? And since when did I go from quiet girl who cursed at people behind their back to Jace freaking Lightwood's date?

I've always been snarky, I knew that but I enjoy keeping my bitchy mind to myself. Today has been the biggest roller coaster for me. I went from hating myself to liking outgoing Clary back to hating then liking again and now I went full circle for the second time because I really hated myself. I didn't want to go to the dance with Jace Lightwood, whom I had really disliked. I wasn't planning on going to the dance. Dances are for squares who think they have a shot at getting a date and popular people who like to wear dresses and outfits that look like they are doing a photo shot for Victoria Secret. I did not fit under any of those categories.

I look at Jace with wide eyes as if to say what the hell? He looked back at me though and the look on his face was screaming for me to play along. I really badly didn't want to. I bit my lip and said, "Sorry, I didn't know you wanted to go with him.

"Jace seemed as though I had just lifted twenty pounds off his shoulders. After Aline left, I thanked Maia for letting me sit with her and told Jace that if I go, I'm not going to try to fit in with his cliché group of friend. He agreed to my terms and I was pretty much the weirdest lunches I'd ever had. After lunch, I went to Physics class with Simon. He grabbed me hard by the arm and practically dragged me to my seat. Well at least he was noticing me.

"Are the rumors true? Are you really going to the dance with Jace Lightwood?" he asked me with worry. I narrowed my eyes. Why did he care? I thought he was mad at me for calling Ashely a whore."Yeah, he asked me," I responded with an guarded voice. Simon shook his head and sighed."When did you start talking him let alone agreeing to dates with him?"

"Today, actually. When you were too pissed off to talk to me so you decided to eat Ashley's face off instead!" I yelled at him. People were starting to stare.

"I only was mad at you and kissing Ashley because you're to stubborn to..." he cut himself off and shook his head. He was almost at his seat when I yelled back at him.

"To what? Date YOU! I'm sorry Simon but made it pretty clear! I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT! SO MOVE FREAKING ON!" this was the maddest I've ever been at him. He was acting like a child because I simply did not want to be his girlfriend. And now he was mad that I said yes to Jace instead of him. He looked at me like he couldn't believe I just said that when I teacher yelled at us to calm down.

The rest of the day pretty much sucked after that. I kept thinking about having to go to that dumb ass dance and how pissed off Simon would be if I did. I don't think he'd ever forgive me for that. But I would be a real bitch if I stood Jace up. And every girl on the planet would think I'm mentally retarded for ditching him. I had no clue what to do.

The week passed on and soon it was the Friday of the last day of school. I had been eating lunch with Maia everyday this week hoping to avoid Simon. Sometimes at the end, Jace would come and talk to me just so it look as though he wasn't ignoring his date. I have to omit, Jace isn't as big of an asshole that I thought he was. He just liked girls way too much which was evident when he started staring at Jessica Barnes' chest like it was ice cream. I wondered if I went to the dance, I would have to kiss him like all the other slutty girls he went to dances with. I hoped I wouldn't. I still technically haven't had my first kiss yet and I really didn't want it to be fake. That would totally suck. No pun intended.

"You're Clary, right?" a familiar voice said behind my back after the final bell on Friday. I knew who it was before I even turned around and knew that this couldn't be good.

"Look, Isabel, if you want me to pay for your lunch I brought an extra five dollars today and..." she cut me off and leaned forward.

"Look," she whispered, "I have to act like a bitch or people will feel sorry for me. I'm not here to yell at you or anything like that. I have a simple question for you. What are you wearing to the dance?" I must have looked taken back because she grabbed my wrist and dragged me into an empty room in the school.

"Ok," she said, "let me explain,

"Before freshmen year started, I was just a normal girl who played sports and went to school. No one ever bothered me and I was never in the popular group. I was happy then. Life wasn't hard. The summer before I became a ninth grader, my little brother was crossing the street to go to the comic book store. He had an obsession with DC Comics and constantly was heading over there to buy another issue. A man named Jonathon Morgenstern drove a black BMW saw my brother and ran him over with his car. My brother, Max had been in the hospital for days before he passed away. It killed all of us. The Lightwoods never liked sympathy though so the second we walked through those high school doors, we acted like we didn't care. We acted like assholes and that's why I'm a bitch, Jace is a man-whore, and Alec is afraid of everyone. So that was why I was a bitch, okay? Now can you answer my question? What are you wearing for this dance?" I looked at her in surprise. Of course I had read the story in the news but I didn't know it effected them so much. All I knew was that the second Izzy, Jace, and Alec walked into the door after that summer, you had to stay away from them. But I knew she didn't want me to mention it.

"I haven't really thought about that," I told her. She looked at me wide eyed.

"Are you serious? The dance is tonight and you have to show off to Aline why Jace asked you. She is already talking about stealing him from you!"

"Well Jace told me I didn't have to try as long as I go with him. Plus dances and dresses are just not for me," I defended myself. Izzy sighed.

"Jace doesn't know a rats ass about getting rid of a girl. I mean look at all of his ex girlfriends. They all still think he will call them back. You need to look hot. Come on, I'll get you ready. You're lucky I bought an extra dress."

And that's how I ended up looking like a skank. My dress was tiny, even for me. It clung on to whatever curves I had in my body and made me realize how skinny I was for not being anorexic. It was black and end just at the end of my crotch. If it rode up a centimeter, I would have been flashing everyone at the dance. The fabric of the dress went up in creases and ended up being strapless. I looked like a hooker in it. Izzy threw a pair of pumps my way. They were taller then any pair of shoes I've ever worn.

"I don't think I could walk in these, let alone dance in them," I told her. She shook me off.

"You need all the height you can get, girl."

She was right. I was one of the shortest people in school and I was technically a senior now. I put it on and stood up to look at myself in the mirror. The girl standing in front of me was unrecognizable. Her red hair was up in perfect curls in a fancy hairdo Isabel did that twisted all over her head and fell down in a high curly ponytail. Her make-up made her look like a barbie doll. Her eyes were defined and the eyeliner made the green in them really pop. This girl look simply pretty. She couldn't be me.

"Like it?" Izzy asked and she hair sprayed her own hair. I reached out to touch one of my curls.

"I don't look invisible," I muttered. Isabel stood up. She was wearing a blue mermaid gown that really complimented her height. Her hair was perfectly straight and was in a half up half down style. She looked amazing.

"You're pretty, you know. You just needed to know how to show it off," she told me. I laughed.

"I'm not dressing like a skank every day. This is it, Isabel," she laughed.

"But skanky looks so good on you!"

"Izzy!" Jace yelled from the door, knocking on it hard, "hurry up! I'm hungry and..."

"Shut up, loser! We're done!" Isabel pushed open the door. Jace was wearing a nice pair of jeans and collared t-shirt. But when he saw me, his mouth dropped three inches. I didn't smile at him. Instead I got my bag and put in my converse in them. I would definitely change shoes when Izzy wasn't looking.

"Come on. The sooner I can change into jeans, the better," and I ran down stairs to wait for them.

Izzy got the car keys as Jace, Alec, and I waited by the car. Jace kept looking like he wanted to say something to me but thought otherwise. I tired not to look awkward. I still didn't want to be there especially as the man-whore's new eye candy. But it was too late to back out now. Right?

Isabel Lightwood coming back with the keys answered my inner question with a big fat Y-E-S.

"Come on. It's already 8:15 and Carter Wells is probably wondering why I'm late," she said jumping into the driver's seat. Alec sat next to her in the front which of course left Jace and I in the back.

"You look amazing," he whispered in my ear as the car started moving, "except for the hair. It looks better down. It completely shows off your unique hair color more," he took it down and I saw Isabel through the front mirror glare at him. She did spend awhile on it.

I couldn't think of anything to say so I lead over and told Jace, "Izzy's going with Carter Wells? Don't you hate him?" It was getting really annoying how much Jace was looking at me.

"Yeah, don't talk about it. He's a bigger ass than I am and that's saying something. But I couldn't convince her otherwise," he sighed.

"I heard that!" Izzy yelled from the front. It was a quiet rest of the drive. I think Alec was too uncomfortable to say anything with me in the car, Jace was to speechless to talk to me and Izzy was too pissed off that we were late. That was okay. I liked the quietness. It made the situation somewhat bearable. Because I knew the second I walked through that door into the dance, all I was going to get was bitchy opinions.


	4. Cliché Dances with a Little RedHead Girl

**Okay so I pretty much had no inspiration with this dance. I'm sorry it took so long. I badly wanted to write the next chapter so I did. And can I say that it is my favorite so far. I'll post it like super soon too. I just need to edit it and fix it on the document manger thingy and that takes around thirty minutes. But I felt very emotional writing it.**

**Also, thanks so much for everything from reviews to favorites to follows. That's my inspiration to continue and write. I know my chapters aren't super long but I really think a lot of you like it. I got pretty much the nicest review ever. They told me that my words flow really well and pretty much I'm a great writer. It made my day. The best part of it is that I know I could write better than this if I wanted to spend a week on each chapter. But I really don't because I want to update for you guys and I get bored like that. But I'm writing my own original story and let me say, it's a lot better than this. But thanks anyways. And I will include Magnus soon. Like very soon. Like maybe this chapter soon. :)**

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Jace

I didn't know what to except at the End of the Year Dance with Clary. She was nice and all but she didn't really seem like the dancing type. Or the type of people who went to things like this. I wasn't sure if I should go all out for her or just typical Jace. But of course she would look as great as possible for her. Izzy had brought Clary home with her that day so they could get ready together. I thought Izzy hated her but apparently that was another part of her bitch act. So was going to the dance the asshole of all assholes, Carter Wells. And he didn't even have to pretend to be an ass. But Izzy was convinced that the general public needed to see her with someone like that. She hasn't dated anyone at school yet and people need to see her with someone popular like him. I still thought he was the biggest douche known to the end, I decided on a nice white button up and my favorite pair of jeans. I put my hair in jell and smiled. Why was my heart beating so fast? Was I nervous about what would happen with Aline and Clary. Or did I not trust myself with the pretty redhead? Because for the first time in my life I had met a girl that wasn't consumed with herself?

No, I didn't have feelings for her. My dad, my real dad, had taught me to love is to destroy. I realized he was right when the cops took him away from my mom and I for physical abuse.

I ran to Izzy's door. We were already late. Alec was waiting downstairs for us."Izzy, hurry up! I'm hungry and..." I didn't finish before she pushed open the door and cut me off.

"Shut up, loser! We're done!" she opened the door completely now to show off Clary who looked really super hot. She had on a really skinny black dress that made me notice her hips for the first time ever. Her make up brought out everything perfectly from her tree green eye to her perfectly pale skin. She was a knock out. And I was speechless. She wasn't.

"Come on," she grabbed her bag with a pair of converse that she would most likely change into later when Izzy wasn't paying attention, "the sooner I can change into jeans, the better."

It was an awkward ride to the dance. I tried to talk to her but I was pretty sure I was just sounding like an idiot. What was happening to me? No girl had ever made me speechless. And Clary wasn't anywhere close to those girls. Clary wasn't popular. She wasn't ugly of course but I had seen a lot more skin on other girls and I didn't reacted anywhere close to this stupid.

Alec must have noticed it too because the second we walked out of the car he walked up to me.

"You don't really like this girl, right? I mean she's so ordinary," for some strange reason I wanted to punch my brother right then. How could he call Clary ordinary? Because she was, I had to remind myself. God, what was happening to me? I needed to get away from her as soon as possible. I walked as close to her as possible.

"So is your little friend here?" I asked her, hoping for I reason to get away from her.

"Most likely," she said sourly. Oh! Her and ratboy weren't getting along. For some strange reason I was glad. No I wasn't! God I was acting bipolar. I looked back at my sister begging her to take Clary away. Izzy had always been good at understanding me.

"Clary, why don't we go get something to eat," and with that she was gone. Thank the lord. I moved over to the hot slutty girls of the dance where Kailee sat. I had already dated her before and she was always a great dancer. Not great in bed though I thought. Part of the reason I broke up with her. Other than the fact I got bored. She wore a dark blue dress like of her eyes which had a ton of blue eyeshadow smothered all over them. Her blonde hair fell perfectly at her shoulders. She looked like a skank. A very skanky skank. But skanky enough for me.

"Hey Kailee, want to dance?" I asked her. She looked at me surprised and then moved her eyes over to Isabel and Clary.

"What happened to your little redhead girl, Lightwood?" she asked perusing her lips together.

"By calling her my little redhead girl, you're implying that I'm like Charlie Brown. I would never be so steep. I'm more like Johnny Bravo. Last time I checked the girl he falls for is a pretty blonde," I flirted.

"Have you ever seen Johnny Bravo?" she asked.

"Nope," I told her. She started laughing was pretty soon dancing with me. I danced with a lot of girls that night. None of which were Clary Fray. God I was such an ass. Here I was preaching about Isabel going with Carter when I didn't even dance with my date once yet. But I couldn't. I didn't trust myself if I had my hands on her hips. I might have kissed her and who knew what would have happened then. I might have I actually felt something.

I moved away from the dance floor to hang out with Alec and some guy he was talking to. Plus they were by the cheese sticks and those were addicting."Jace!" Alec looked surprise when I walked to them, "this is my friend, Magnus Bane.

"Magnus looked at Alec hurt and shook his head before turning towards me.

"Magnus. No, my parents weren't obsessed with magnets when I was born. They found the name on the Internet," he extended his arm. I took it as I allowed him to shake my hand. We all stood there awkwardly before Alec said something.

"What happened to Clary, Jace?"

"Wait you went with that gorgeous redhead girl over there? And you are over here? You an idiot?" Magnus asked me. I was surprised. I was pretty sure Magnus was gay but maybe he was bisexual. That wouldn't be good for Alec. He got jealous easily.

"Umm...yeah. I better go check on her," I told them and for the first time in the entire dance, I went to go talk to my date. She looked bored as she drank some of the punch. I wonder if she was drinking the spiked one or the punch that was alcohol free. But what caught my eye the most was the boys staring at her. They all look at her like she was cotton candy and only one of them would be lucky enough to eat it. She wouldn't dance with them. She wasn't so stupid. I started walking over to her when Connor Samson finally got the courage to approach her. I stopped.

"Hey Clary!" he said lightly. She hadn't noticed him at first and swallowed her punch wrong. It was kind of embarrassing how much she was coughing. She looked at Conner and carefully placed her cup down.

"You know my name, Conner?" she asked him."Of course. I've always admired your beautiful red hair in history. I used to think you were secretly Emma Stone in disguised. But you're prettier than her," her told her. The worst part of Conner flirting with my date was knowing that he was completely honest and well-intended. Why couldn't it be a douche like Carter so I could knock him in the jaw.

"Thanks Conner," she said placing a hand on his arm. She liked him? But she was here with you didn't really ask her to go with you. And you've pretty much ditched her the entire time I told myself. I was a world class douche bag and I was okay with it.

"Hey umm...Clary...if you're ever free..." that was it. I was not letting anyone ask out my date at the End of the Year Dance. I walked up to them and took Clary's cup. I took a large gulp. Yep, it was clean.

"Hey Clary. Ready to dance?" I asked her. She looked at me surprised then looked at Conner and shook her head. I reached my hand out allowing her to take it. Of course she reluctantly did.

"Bye, Conner. Talk to you later," she stabbed me in the back. I smiled. I had to at least act that Clary didn't matter to me. I grabbed her waist and her my neck. She seemed slightly relieved that this was a slow song. I thought she was a afraid of grinding.

"So someone decided that it was time to talk to his date at the worst possible time, huh?" she said, looking awkward. I looked down at her feet and saw she was wearing her converse. Of course.

"Sorry. Got caught up in stuff. Were you having a good time without me?" I asked her.

"Hmm...I surprisingly wouldn't call it crappy," she said. I must have looked surprised because she laughed at me.

"What did you think I was dependent on your presence to have a good time?" she asked.

"Most people are," the music was loud behind us, "Who is this?" I asked her."Ron Pope. I really like him. I wished I could have flown into Texas to see his concert but my mom thought that was too much just to listen to a guy sing for two hours. She might have been right but I love this song," she yelled over the music. She started mouthing lyrics to the song but never making any sound. She closed her eyes.

"You know when I hear music I get this image in my head of how the song would look on paper," she tells me.

"What does this song look like?"

"Well it's raining and lights are all over the paper. There's this boy and this girl. They are reaching for each other, wanting to be together but they can't. They are being pulled by other hands keeping them from touching. They never can touch," she opens her eyes and looks out into nowhere.

"It sound like you've drawn this song before," I smile at her. She nods her head.

"Can I ask. Who is the man in the drawing?" she looks at me and I realize she is close to tearing up. I didn't know she could cry. She shakes her head as the song ends and we are done with the dance. It is late now, I know that. The last dance pretty much was just me and her.

She starts to walk away from me towards the door and I knew to no longer bring up that subject. I can't let her walk home alone to I run to the door and chase after her. And that was last my last and only cliche dance with Clarissa Fray.


	5. Letting Go of Love

**Okay so I wrote this chappie before the last one so the might be a little bit of inconstancy that I didn't catch in editing. This is still my favorite. It welcomes you further into the world of Clary Fray. Also I was wondering if anyone caught what song they were dancing to last chapter?**

**Ok so this is the fifth chapter and so I am taking a slightly longer break for the sixth. Mainly because I have other things I need to do and though I do have a clue where this is going, the next chapter is going to be boring to write.**

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Clary

I wasn't sure if I was drunk when I walked out of the dance. Or maybe that was just the adrenaline rushing through my brain. Anyways, I would wake up the next morning with a massive headache. I took my bag and slung it across my shoulder as I turned to grab Izzy's pumps with my hand. Would return her them and the dress later but now I just needed to go home and stop getting stared at. Although, as much as I hated the attention, I had fun going to the dance with Jace. Hopefully after this, we could be friends. I wouldn't mind being nice to a douche bag as long as he wasn't a douche bag to of douche bags, here he came, rushing towards me as I pushed open the doors to leave. He ran and tripped falling on top of me. I may or may not have been drunk but I knew Jace was. He was holding on to my arm as I kept walking. Luckily, home wasn't far from here.

"Sorry, Claire. I know I shouldn't have left you at the dance like that. At least let me walk you home," he said finally letting go of me and regaining his balance. I nodded to him. I wasn't mad he went to dance with other girls. He had danced with me at the end but I honestly wasn't a dancer. Not a chance. Plus I didn't like him.

Why was that so hard to think? I don't like Jace Lightwood. The thought of him and me together was ridiculous. All he would do was treat me like those bitchy girls he dated before. Jace wasn't capable of loving someone. And neither was I, right? Or was that just what I told myself so I wouldn't have to date Simon. So I wouldn't let myself get hurt and end up like my mom. Why didn't I say yes to him when he asked me out the first time. I loved Simon. Maybe not in that way yet but if I was ever going to pick someone to be love in with, he would be the one. So why was I pushing him away? That's all I'd ever done. Push people away. That's why my mom was getting remarried, why Simon was dating Ashley, why no one knew I existed before today. Maybe if I had the courage to deal with things, I wouldn't have left the dance right then. Maybe I would have gotten my first kiss tonight.

Then I looked at Jace. It wasn't too late for that. For the first time, I noticed tiny lights flickering around us. It took me a minute to realize they were fireflies. They lit up the night like Christmas lights.

"The fireflies make the darkness beautiful," I said unsure if it was to myself or to Jace. He turns to look at me.

"Did you know why they do that? Why they flicker?" he asked me. I shook my head. Jace picked up one of the fireflies and let the beetle crawl though his hands.

"They are calling to their mates. Each flashing pattern helps them communicate with their future lovers."

"How surprisingly romantic," I said while touching one of them.

"It's not that romantic when you think about. Pretty much every animal besides humans just meet, reproduce, and never see each other ever again. Sometimes even humans are like that."

Like him, I thought. "Not penguins, though. The males have to take care of the eggs while the female gets food. They always meet again once the baby is born. And I still think it's romantic." I started to dance on the sidewalk, spinning in circles.

"What are you doing?" he laughed.

"Dancing. I didn't really get to dance at the actual dance so why is it too late now?" I told him as I continued. He took my lead and grabbed my hands as we ran skipping along. We were laughing a lot, I remembered. There was so much I wanted to say to him, to ask him. But I just couldn't get it out. Being the klutz that I am, I fell on the grass at the side of the sidewalk as I pulled him down with me. We laid there for a moment, him on top of me and I with my hair sprung out throughout the grass. We were laughing for awhile until he stopped and started playing with my hair. I looked up at him. He was gorgeous. His brown eyes seem to melt with gold in them. They twinkled in the night sky. His skin was perfectly tan, unlike my own which was pale and freckled. And his hair. Something about his hair made me go crazy. It was long for a guy but no longer than his shoulders where he would've looked like a girl. No. It curled in different angles that on anyone else would have looked messy but on him it just fit. And of course it was the perfect shade of golden blonde. How could I be underneath such perfection when I was so ordinary. I never thought of myself as pretty. It might have been because of my red hair or the annoying freckles that covered every inch of my skin or maybe the fact I was so pale I probably could pass a vampire in the dumb ass Twilight movie. I looked like a quiet ginger who was too afraid to stand up for herself. Well that is what you're doing now, I thought. I hadn't noticed my fingers in Jace's hair until then. They latched on to his hair with force and if anyone had try to pull them out, they would've taken his hair with it. He closed his eyes. This was it. He was going to kiss me. I bet he was a great kisser. I had no clue about myself though. What if he kissed me and he thought I was a crappy kisser. What if he never talked to me again?

You don't like him! part of me yelled at myself. To hell I didn't! Why wouldn't I like him? He proved himself not to be a complete douche. He was nice though he tried hard for that side of him not to show. And he was perfect. So what if he would probably never like me anymore than a friend. He was hunky and I liked him. I closed my eyes and reach to pull him down with me, when I felt the first drop.

I instantly opened my eyes. It was raining in summer. Not that it was completely impossible in New York, but it tended to only rain in the spring and fall. This was rare. Jace must have felt it too because he got off of me and looked up. I laughed. I loved the rain. It brought me to my feet as I turn up my hands and spin in a circle. Once I stop spinning, I notice Jace watching me with I smile. Suddenly all the nerves from before are gone as I run to him with ran pouring down my back and my hair soaked and kissed him.

We kissed for a long time, letting water drip down our backs and through our lips. I was right. He was an amazing kisser. Suddenly, I unbuttoned his shirt and we were rolling on the sidewalk, kissing. I moved my hands from his hair, to his face, to his neck, to his abdomen that was had as a rock. We kept kissing unsure how to stop.

I don't know how long we were there. It seemed like I had just melted into him. I had ruined Izzy's dress, I knew it. But I couldn't stop kissing him. Because in his lips, suddenly I stopped thinking. Suddenly I wasn't afraid. Suddenly change wasn't so scary. I wish I could have stayed there forever with my lips pressed on his with the rain running through us. I loved this. For the first time in my life, I felt free. In his arms I felt safe. I couldn't let that of course I did. On the ground, I let my lips leave his. I was gasping for breath before I opened my eyes. When I looked at Jace, for the first that night, I wondered if he was really drunk. He looked at me with so much intensity that it was difficult to believe he was.

Well at least until he threw up. It wasn't on me but it was still gross. But thankfully it was exactly what I needed to snap me back to reality. I was lying on the ground in the rain with a ruined dress that I had browed and it was totally passed my curfew. I knew my mom was all lovey with Luke but she was still was very strict on getting home on time.

"Umm... Jace? I really need to get home," I told him standing up. I went to go grab Izzy's shoes that I had flung out of my hands when I had first started kissing Jace. I threw them in my bag and took out my jacket. It was soaked but it was better than nothing. Jace looked sick as he threw up again. I stood there awkwardly, not wanting to leave a drunk person I had just made out with and was throwing up but I really badly needed to go home as soon as possible. I took a step forward carefully placing a hand on his back. Who knew how awkward it was after you know that you're not going to get together with the guy you just made out with. Any thought I had earlier about dating him was pretty much shot to hell when I saw the cheese sticks from the dance on the grass. All the while, the rain was pouring down on us and turned the throw up into gross-looking water.

"Jace, do you want me to call someone?" I asked him. He finally moved his eyes from the ground to me. He looked at me for a minute as he took a moment to remember where he was and what we were doing.

"No, he responded. I'm sorry," he stood up straight now. He didn't grab my hand or anything. He got the fact I don't want to talk about our kiss. He started walking slowly at first then faster. I followed him.

"Are you close to your house?" he asked. I told him yes. He looked forward, slowing down so I could lead the way. He must have felt as awkward as I had because he didn't talk to me at all after that. He looked down and just followed me. But something was different I could tell. I wondered if he acted like this with every girl. Probably not or he wouldn't have dated as many girls as he has. So why was he not flirting with me? Did he think I was a crappy kisser and he didn't want to date me? Or did our kiss mean more to him than those other girls?

Why was I asking myself these stupid questions. Didn't I just say that I didn't want to date him. If I did then I would just be another dumb ass trophy on his self of girls. And I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't be why was my heart beating like the wings of a hummingbird? Why did I still feel breathless? Why did my lips still feel vibrating and on fire?

I got to my house quickly. The lights were still on which meant I would have to deal with my mom tonight. I turned back towards Jace, now trying to avoid her as long as possible.

"Thanks for helping me tonight. I know I wasn't a very good date but I had fun with you and..." he rambled.

"I had fun, Jace," I cut him off. I ran towards him and stepped on my tippy toes. I quickly peaked him on the check which caught him by surprise. He was blushing. I noticed how close I was to kissing him on the lips again. Would he let me? Would he kiss me back if I did?

Would he taste like throw up? That was a great wake up call."Good night, Jace. See you around," I said as I slowly started to open the door. He kept looking at me until I closed the door to find my mom laid on the couch waiting for me.

"Do you realize what time is it young lady?" Jocelyn said sitting up and placing her hands on her hips. I knew this was the hard part.

"I went to the dance. I'm sorry if I thought that meant I could stay out later," I went to the kitchen sink to stop the dripping from my hair.

"You come home at one o'clock in the morning soaking wet and you except me to remain calm? What happened Clary. Did you and Jace have sex?"

"God mom, no! Who do you think I am, a whore?" I said as I wrapped a towel around my head.

"Well, you're certainly dressed like one," she said taking in my outfit. I sighed.

"The dress isn't mine. And it was a high school dance. I definitely was not the sluttyist girl there!" I defended myself.

"Did you and Jace have fun? Did he kiss you, Clary?" she asked.

"Yes, he in matter of fact did! I had my first kiss tonight and your yelling at me?" I yelled at her.

"Clary you don't just go off and kiss any boy! That boy is not someone I want you associated with, understand!"

"Why because he's been with other girls?"

"Because all of a sudden you're different with him. Your acting up, not doing your homework, kissing boys, and coming home at one o'clock in the morning!" she sighed and looked at me before continuing, "What about Simon?"

"What about Simon?" I asked her.

"I always assumed that you and him liked..." she stopped awkwardly. Of course she liked Simon. Simon didn't sleep with girls randomly. She had known Simon forever. Why wouldn't she love Simon? Especially for me.

"You thought wrong," I muttered turning away from her, "he asked me out and I said no. Now he's dating Know-It-All Ashely."

"I didn't know that Clary. But I still don't like the people you're talking to now and the boy you went with to the dance."

"I'm sorry if my life isn't allowed to change. That you're allowed to get married and Simon's allowed to date a complete bitch but I can't be anything but quiet and innocent Clary!" I told her. It was the first time I had ever cursed in front of my mom.

"You're grounded, young lady!" she yelled at me.

"Are you serious? Because I was late? I'm sorry I finally got a life like you've been wanting me to! I'm sorry I had fun for one day in my invisible crappy life! Oh but that's right. The only one who is allowed to have fun in this house is you! That's why we're moving to Boston, right? Because you don't want me to have a life anymore! I didn't tell you this earlier because I knew how happy you were but," I grabbed the art school in LA's congratulation packet, "I got into that art school I was talking about. Not like it matters though. You still going to drag me to Boston anyways!" I knew I was being a bitch to her but I was done being pushed around by everyone. I didn't wait for her to respond. I ran up into my room and cried. I grabbed my dad's picture and hugged it. I missed him. If he was still alive, I would have gone to California. I would have studied art and become great. Maybe if he was alive, I wouldn't push everyone away. I would have said yes to Simon, I would have been able to omit that I had feelings Jace, I would have told my mom about California before she got engaged, and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have been so invisible. Maybe the Clary today would have been in this room laughing with friends instead.

I remembered the time before the accident. He had his crane with him and was limping. I didn't understand what that meant then. He took me in his other arm and swung me up on his shoulders. I was laughing so hard, tears we coming out of my eyes. He whispered to me. "Clarissa, there was a quote that stuck with me that I think fits our situation," he told me as my feet met the floor again, "if you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

He died that next week. He never came back to me. I kept letting things go, but I still never got anything back.

And now I couldn't. I couldn't laugh with friends and smile and love all over again. I was no longer capable of love. I couldn't ever been that Clary now. He took her with him.

And now all I had was a broken heart that no one bothered to see.


	6. Soda is Way too Sticky

**Sorry that I that I took almost a week to update. This chapter is a filler chapter but I like the ending. Clace is no where close to getting together. I was right though. This chapter was very boring to write.**

**Okay so I'm obsessed with reading AH fanfics on Clace and I notice that I don't enjoy it much after the tenth chapter unless Jace has major balls. If Jace gets super sweet it just doesn't captivate me as much. So this chapter is dedicated to Jace getting his balls back. So you guys might not like it because he's pretty much a dick the entire time.**

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Jace

I woke up with a migraine larger than the Grand Canyon. Damn the weed! After the dance I went back to my apartment to smoke some. I didn't want to go home. Isabel would obsess over the dance and I couldn't just do what I wanted which was smoke a little and then go to bed. Plus the apartment was closer to Clary's house than the Lightwood manor and it was raining.  
I looked around my apartment. Luckily Maryse and Robert didn't know I owned this apartment where I would take the girls stupid enough to think I actually want them which is pretty much every girl I've ever dated. They didn't really know how far to parent me. How could they ask where I've been all night when I wasn't technically their son? Sure I cared about them and they loved me but I still they had no clue what to do about me.

I got out of bed and took an aspirin, swallowing it down with milk straight out of the carton. I wasn't very good at manners when it was just me. I took out Febreze and sprayed my entire apartment to get rid of the smell of weed. I knew it was just matter of time before Alec or Isabel came barging through the door and smelling it. They always hated it when I smoked. I had to though. It was the only reason why I didn't feel like shit everyday.

Of course right after I sprayed my entire apartment and the weed was barely detectable, I heard a knock at the door. Izzy was there, looking pissed off.

"I can't believe you slept with Clary! I actually had fun with her yesterday. Of course she's never going to talk to me again after you're little one night stand!" she said looking around the apartment for the redhead bitch. Right, I made out with Clary last night. And then, so I didn't have the guts to talk to her about it, so I threw up next to her. She didn't talk much after that which made me completely grateful that I asked her to the dance and avoided Aline.

"She's not here Iz," I told her, "I slept here last night because it was close to Clary's house and I was super tired." Partially true. Izzy raised an eyebrow at me and I just shrugged.

"Good because now I can invite her to go bowling with us today," Isabel took out her phone and started texting faster than I thought was possible.

"I'm not dating her, Izzy. Plus don't you think Clary would feel uncomfortable with all of group. I hate to break it to you but up until this week the only person she talked to was her rat-faced best friend," I told as I pushed a piece of bread into the toaster and headed to the fridge to take out the butter.

"That's why I asked Maya to go as well. Look you might not be dating the girl but she's actually really fun. And I am desperate to take her to the mall and start shopping. So I don't care if you don't want to hang out with her because I do. And honestly, Jace? Do you have milk that you haven't drank out of the carton? And cereal that isn't stale?" Isabel said rummaging through my cupboards. I sighed and shut the one she was currently looking at and moved her away from my kitchen. I went back to the toaster then and placed the toast in my mouth.

"I haven't had much time for shopping, Iz," I told her with food in my mouth. She yelled gross at me and covered her eyes.

"Well, today you'll have plenty of time for that. Guess where we are going after bowling?"

"When do you have time to organize all of this shit?" I muttered. She pushed me to my bedroom and closed the door.

"Get dressed, loser. We are leaving in fifteen minutes whether you're in your boxers or not!"

The next thing I knew I was at the bowling alley with Izzy, Aline, Sebastian, Maya, Alec, and Jordan. Of course Maya and Jordan were sitting in the seats making out. Aline also sat in the seat and was texting up a storm. Sebastian was flirting with the girl that worked there and Alec of course stood of in the conner awkwardly. Isabel and I were the only sane person there. Well, kind of.

"Where the fuck is that girl?" Izzy said looking at the door, impatiently taping her foot. I didn't understand why she wanted to be Clary's friend so badly. It wasn't like she was all buddy-buddy with her up until yesterday.

"Maybe she didn't want to feel intimated," Aline smirked. When she said it, the words sounded really bitchy. I wondered if I sounded like a dick this morning when I told Izzy that I didn't think Clary should come. Just at that moment, the ginger came flying through the doors like the Baltimore Oriole. She didn't look at any of us. She placed her bag carefully on one of the seats and ran to go get shoes. She only looked at Izzy when she came back.

"Sorry. I was grounded last night. Had to sneak out. I could not spend my entire day inside that house," she muttered. Isabel smiled and handed her a ball.

"You're up first, then."

Clary bit her lip and headed straight for our aisle. She threw the ball, and of course it ended up in the gutter. I laughed at her causing her turn around and glare at me.

"You know you're suppose to keep it straight right?" I laughed. She shook her head before throwing the ball again and knocking down all of them. She smiled a very bitchy smile and turned back to me.

"Like that, douche?" she responded and left our group to go talk to some other people in the bowling alley. God how I hate bowling. It's what Isabel believed popular people did when they wanted to kick ass. I was next. I wasn't going to bowl with the butt ugly pink balls that Isabel picked out. I took an ugly a green one from off the wall and without really trying, threw it at the pins, knocking them all down. Isabel jumped up and down screaming for me. I pulling a Ginger and walked off.

There was this girl that sat in the arcade area depressingly watching who I inferred to be her little brother. I put on my asshole smirk and walked up to her. She had dark brown hair the color of dirt and blue eyes the like blue food coloring. She wore way too much makeup and looked like she was trying to be hot super hard. Overall she was just average looking but at least I knew she would fall for my charm. She didn't notice I was standing next to her until I spoke.

"Hello, I was just bowling with some of my friends here but I couldn't help but notice how blue you're eyes are. I think they are the prettiest pairs of eyes I've ever seen," I told her matter-of-factly. It was such a lie. Her eyes were dull and blurry. I've kissed thousands of girls with much prettier eyes. I was feeding her the oldest line in the book and she was totally falling for it. What an idiot that girl was. She wasn't smart enough to put two and two together. Why I left my group of friends. Why several girls around us were rolling their eyes looking pissed. Why I had bags under my eyes from the hangover I had last night. She was in need of me walking all over her. If I didn't who would? At least I wouldn't get her pregnant.

She smiled, flashing off her yellowy crooked teeth. God this girl was not very attractive. She was lucky I even decided I would walk all over her. I kissed way more beautiful and smarter girls. I could have any girl here except for my sister. Including that quiet snarky little redhead I went out with last night. Never have I ever met a girl that didn't fall for me. Some were harder than the last, requiring a bit of chasing, but eventually they just couldn't resist my charm.

"Thanks," she giggled back. At least she had a sort of cute giggle. But seriously, why was I flirting with this girl? Even Clary was prettier than her and Ginger was a square. Was it because she was with her brother and looked miserable. Was I looking for an easier girl to chase me? I was stooping low.

"So, are you here to bowl?" I asked totally flirting.

"No," she frowned, "My mom forced me to watch my idiot brother instead of going to the mall. But you know, my brother doesn't seem so idiotic now," she smiled, leaning closer to me. God this girl was an idiot.

From across the room a heard Isabel call someone's name. I hope it wasn't mine. I hadn't quite roped this girl in and I had to have something to do on a Saturday night. Literally.

"I think my adoptive sister is calling me now. But I would love to see those eyes of yours later tonight...um...?"

"Lindsey. Yeah I would like love that. Here," she said handing her cellphone at me, "Give me call tonight. I ditch the dweeb at two," she winked. I was tempted not to pick up the phone tonight. She spoke less than fifty words and already I wanted to barf all over her. And this time I would do it to get rid of her annoyingness and not to avoid talking about a kiss.

I turned back to the group. Clary was back but she looked slightly less awkward sitting, waiting for her turn. It could be because Conner Samson was there, sitting next to the redhead girl, talking to her and laughing. He smiled at her and started to stare awkwardly into Clary's eyes. God he want to ask her out. Conner was a good kid. He was on the baseball team with me last year and wasn't half bad at playing. Why was he attracted to her? She wasn't anything special. Sure, she wasn't like the other girls at school. She didn't like being at the center of attention and she hated it when people talked about her. She didn't let others define her. But without the dress and the makeup from last night, she looked simply common. She had skin that was too pale like a ghost and covered in brown little freckles. Her hair was a long messy red that she didn't take very good care of by judging the look of the snarles and split ends. They only thing beautiful about her, were her eyes. Jace totally lied to the girl, what her name? Linda? Anyways, Lila did not have anywhere close to the most prettiest eyes he had ever seen. Clary did. Every time he looked into them he saw the maple tree. My maple tree. Under that tree, everything was okay. Under that tree I was the Jace Herondale that would have lived if his parents didn't abandon him. I was no longer Jace Lightwood. But I beyond that tree, I saw more in Clary's eyes. I saw her. I knew that this was all just a facade she was living with her friends. She was in pain and I knew from that little gleam in her eyes. How sometimes they would start looking in nowhere, thinking of that pain before she or some else she loved, could catch her. Her eyes made her feel like I puzzle piece that I badly needed to solve. But after last night, I knew I couldn't do that without hurting her or my sister.

I loved Izzy and Alec more than anyone. They didn't attempt to make me some I'm not and they were the only people who didn't judge me for being a douche. Isabel liked this girl for some strange reason. Clary was nothing like any of her other friends, she was conceited, she hated attention, and it took you awhile to get her to talk. But I didn't want to ruin their friendship if Izzy wanted it.

"Jace, come on! We're wasting minutes!" Izzy said, shoving a bowling ball into my hands. I placed my fingers in the holes and threw it, knocking down only nine of the pins, damn it.

Clary laughed. At first I thought she was laughing at me and I thought what a bitch but then I realized she was laughing at Conner. He must have said something funny. Anyways, her laugh distracted me because I missed the last pin. Aline looked up from her phone and everyone stared at me. I have never missed a shot at bowling.

"Jace, is everything alright?" Alec asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. I looked at it. My brother did not need anyone to comfort me. It wasn't like I was falling apart. So what I missed a stupid pin. It was a dumbass game of bowling.

"Yeah, Alec," I said coldly, "I'm fine."

I sat on the chair across from Aline (who was back on her phone now), Clary, and Conner.

"Hope this doesn't mean that Lightwood has an expiration date. The team would basically suck without you," Conner said lightly trying to bring up my pissy mood.

"Why are you here, Samson? I don't recall Isabel inviting you to come with us today," I said like a douche bag. Clary sat up more and place her hand on Conner's thigh. He looked down at it in surprise but she didn't look at him. She looked straight at me.

"Why do you have to be such a dickhead, Jace. I invited him over here. He wanted to talk to me about something that he was trying to say last night before you so rudely disrupted us. So shut your piehole and stop being an asshat because you can't knock down a dumbass pin in bowling. It's a fucking game. It doesn't matter. No need to piss off everyone else," she snapped with her green eyes piercing into mine, challenging me to say anything more. Of course, I was not going to let this girl get the better of me.

"Great, you really do need practice. I mean I did barf after I kissed you. Perhaps Conner isn't looking to get inside your pants," I smiled at her. Her eyes widened along with Conner's. She shook her head reached out to grab her Coke. She walked around and dumped it in my pants soaking my jeans in the sticky substance.

"But you have to excuse me," she smirked, "I was looking to get my soda into yours."

A lot of people were laughing including Conner, Maia, Jordan, and pretty much everyone else in the bowling alley. Clary turned and she grabbed Conner's hand before she thanked Izzy for inviting her, but she couldn't stay.  
I looked over to see Lindsey laughing too. Damn, I wasn't going to be doing anything fun tonight.

"Thanks, Jace," Isabel snapped putting her hands on her hips, "now you've ruined the entire day because you couldn't keep you asshole comments to yourself. And now I can't be friends with another person because you ruined it. I wish you thought before you did something. Maybe you'd be happier if you did," and Isabel walked out of the bowling alley shaking her head. She was pissed. I knew she thought I was ruining her life sometimes because maybe I was. I was reckless and I didn't have any boundaries. But Izzy had always been able to except that before. So why did some ginger pouring soda down my pants change anything? Then I knew that Isabel was hiding something from me. Possibly something that Clary had said to her yesterday. And I was super interested on finding out what. But I badly need to change pants first. I turned to Alec since Isabel was my ride here.

"Come on," he sighed, "I'll take you home," and he started walking towards the parking lot.


	7. I Might Just Say Yes

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted until two weeks later. Life has been pretty hectic lately. I was gone on vacation (kind of. It was a little bit of a family emergency) and couldn't write that much. Then right when I came back, I went back to school after missing the first week. So I've been super behind in everything and really stressed. I originally did not like this chapter mainly because it had no Jace in it but I really like Conner now. I hope you guys do to because he's pretty much perfect. I think I'll feel depressed when I put more Clace in this now. But I still love Jace more. And those you like douchey Jace, you won't be disappointed for the next chapter. Finally, I created a one-shot on Jace and Clary's wedding day if you want more from me. It's got a lot of fluff and all and it's not all human and is definitely not connected to WFF (Why Fireflies Flash) but I am proud of it. Also I have one of my friends who is going to be a beta soon (not for this chapter) so the spelling and grammar will be better soon. And hopefully the chapters will be longer.**

**And a special thanks to uhmchelsea who reviews for almost every chapter.**

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I have never been the type of girl that talks shit about people to their faces. I'm not the type of the girl who lies to her mom and sneaks out. I'm not the type of girl who pours her coke down someone's pants. And I am most defiantly not the type of girl who dates someone as flawless as Conner Samson. But after the events of last night, after yelling at my mom, after thinking about my dad for the thousandth time, after crying my heart out and finally excepting that love and happiness was something completely out of the picture for me, I woke up that morning thinking _oh screw it_. Why did it matter if I snuck out of the house after my mother grounded last me night before? She'd take away my phone? Who was I going to talk to? There was nothing worse she could do to me than what she already had. Why did it matter if I cursed out Jace Lightwood and poured soda down his pants. I just had to get past this summer and I would never see him again. Why did it matter if I flirted with Conner? What was the worst possible thing? He couldn't break my heart if I didn't have a heart to break. And I he liked me. I had no clue why. It wasn't as if I looked like Izzy or Aline or those other popular girls at school like would go for Conner. I was ordinary. Yet here he was sitting next to me, laughing at me. He was looking like he wanted to kiss me. Was it strange to not be sure whether or not I wanted him to though?

"How can you stand up to, Wayland like that? I was on the same team with him all last year and could barely say two words to him. And you can pour Coke down his pants!" he grinned down at me which made me blush. Unlike Jace's crooked imperfect teeth, Conner's teeth were a pearly white with each tooth precisely in line. His smile was perfect and it was smiling down on me. Not any other crazy girl.

"You just have to remember that he's not going to give you a STD and your good," I teased which brought him to laugh again. We took a moment, unsure what to say to each other, as we stared into one another's eyes. He looked at me hesitantly as if he wanted to say something but simply couldn't find the words to say it. Conner Samson was scared. Of me! How was that possible? I was freaking out inside. Here I was talking to a boy that a lot of girls giggled over and cried over. Any girl at our school would be lucky to have him. The best part was that he wasn't just a douchey player who disregarded his girlfriend within a week like Jace. He was sweet. He was pretty much the perfect boyfriend. And he was nervous talking to me. Me! The girl who never raised her hand in class. The girl who was afraid to make friends and hadn't kissed a boy until last night. And I was almost seventeen. I was pathetic yet I was catching the attention of this amazing boy in front of me.

The worst part was that I couldn't even think about him. All I could think about was how I would show Jace up again. I wanted his reputation to disappear. And I wanted to be the one who stepped on it and crushed to little pieces. I didn't exactly know what that meant but I knew it was distracting me from the perfect boy standing in front of me. I had to stop. I had to stop thinking about Jace. I woke up this morning thinking about him. When Izzy sent me that text, he was the first thing that came up in my mind. That I would most likely be able to see him again. I was confused on whether seeing him would be awkward, knowing that only last night we were eating each others face off in the rain, or would he ignore it. Thankfully he chose to ignore it. I didn't want to talk about something that would never happen again. But instead of having a heart-to-heart with me, he decided that teasing me was smarter. Maybe it was embarrassing but I was reminded that Jace Lightwood was NOT my friend. He was a douche. He would took joy with bring others down. How much sicker could you get?

"Clary?" Conner waved his hands in front of my face, waking me up from my little daydream. I shook my head and smiled at him. God he was cute.

"Hmm?" I asked him still smiling. Apparently my smile was contagious because soon he started to smile as well.

"I was asking you if you wanted to catch some lunch?" he asked with a nervous smile as he moved his eyes to the dark, hard pavement. I smiled wider, slightly embarrassed.

"Would it be bad if I told you I haven't had breakfast yet?" my stomach was growling too. I couldn't grab anything to eat this morning without tipping my mom off that I was leaving and I was starving now. And I was craving breakfast food, not a sandwich.

"Oh that's ok. I know this place that serves breakfast all day. We could go there," he perked up looking into my eyes. It was adorable.

"It's not IHOP is it?" I teased, making him laugh, well snort. He shook his head.

"Well then, I would love to have brunch with you," I smiled widely at him. He smiled even wider then he was before and started to walk towards his car. It was a really nice car. It was a white mustang that looked brand spanking new. I would never ever have a car like this in my entire life. Even when I got my own job, paying for a car as nice as that was out of question. But it was nice to drive in it.

"Jez, Conner! Are you ranking in the dough?" I asked him. He stopped smiling and looked far away, thinking about something I probably would never find out. I looked at him, frowning. How could someone as sweet as Conner look so unhappy.

"Conner?" I asked him. He patted the chair next to him without changing his focus on the sky, indicating I should jump in the car with him. I didn't move my eyes from him as I opened the door and put on my seatbelt. He still looked straight forward but smiled slightly which eased my worry. Soon he was driving and from what it looked like, heading towards Taki's. We sat there awkwardly for awhile. I didn't know what to make of his little breakdown back there. It was him who finally broke the silence.

"So you and Lightwood are an item now?" he blurted out. I looked at him in shock. Did he really believe I liked Jace after I had just poured soda down his pants? No, Jace Lightwood was a heartbreaker and I hated the type. I hated him.

"No, Conner. Jace was being asked to the end of school dance by Aline but for some reason, that he still hasn't explained to me, he didn't want to go with her. So he said that he was going with me and to keep her away from him, I told him I'd go."

"Have you kissed him?" he asked. I didn't know whether or not I should have told him the truth. I shrugged.

"He was drunk. I don't like him, Conner. Why do you keep asking?" I said naively. I wasn't stupid though. I knew why Conner Samson was asking about my feelings towards Jace. That didn't mean I understood them. Doesn't mean I understood why he wanted me to like him. Conner slammed his hand into the steering wheel in frustration. "I am doing this all wrong!" he pulled over to the side and put on his hazards. "Clary, I'm going to be up straight with you. I like you," he said matter-of-factly.

"Why? You're so perfect and I am as bland as Corn Flakes."

"Do you remember in art class, when Mrs. Freedmen told us to paint something that described yourself. Most people, like myself painted stupid things like a baseball or shoes because they were easy. Not you. Your painting made my heart break. You drew a cage, where there was a person inside but you never could see their face. You could never see anything that defined who they were. You couldn't tell if it was a girl or a boy. You couldn't see what they were feeling in that moment. But the thing that captivated me was the hands. One clung onto the bars of the cage with scars and blood and the other reached out for whatever was beyond that cage. In that moment, I knew you had painted me better than my stupid baseball. That's when I started paying attention to you. You were didn't like to talk to anyone. You never raised your hand in class, you always sat in the back of the classroom, you sat at lunch with Lewis and no one else, and even then, you didn't really talk to him much. You did a completely perfect job at making yourself invisible. Except for me, the second I saw your painting, it seemed as though the entire school was grey and you were the only colorful one. You never pretended to be something that you weren't. And that's why all I've been thinking about is you. I thought you would never say yes if I asked you out but after everything with the Lightwoods, I realized you were no longer the shy girl who kept away from others. And I thought that maybe, just maybe you'd say yes?" Conner spoke to me. I remember that painting he was talking about. It was my father's birthday on the day I painted it and as much as I had wished otherwise, I had to go to school. I had to put on a fake smile and pretend that I was ok. That I wasn't about to break out in tears any minute. I felt so fake. I didn't want sympathy from any of them because no matter what they did or said, they wouldn't understand me. They would never understand why I cried in my sleep or why I loved to spend every weekend in my room painting what my life would have been like if I hadn't lost him. Every word they'd say would be lies. I didn't want to hear, "I'm sorry". It wasn't as if they stabbed him. It wasn't their fault. So I faked it. Faked happiness like I had every other day of my damned life. That day was worse than any other. I ran home and just started painting. I painted how I felt not what I thought I wanted to paint. After I had finished, I just stared at it, crying. Thinking about how much I wished I could have left those invisible bars that I was sitting inside. How much I wish I could see the world beyond what people wanted me to see. I cried a lot that day. I hated crying but the tears would never leave. It was like trying to read Fault in Our Stars without crying in the end; you don't intensional try to cry, it just comes at you, hitting you with full force until you have no tears left. I fought tears now. They weren't as strong as they were that day but I still couldn't prevent one falling slightly down my cheek.

He looked at me with worried eyes like he was afraid he hurt me with his words. Hesitantly, he reached out and scooped up my tear by gently rubbing his finger across my cheek. I moved my face to look at him. His perfect blue eyes lit up as they looked into mine. Next thing I knew, his lips, soft and pink, were on top of mine. It was a delicate kiss. More comforting than passionate unlike my kiss from last night. Up until this week, I had never been kissed and now my lips had met two different boys within 24 hours. Both kisses were completely different and loved them both. I leaned in to kiss him deeper right when he pulled away and smiled at me. Would I ever get over that perfect smile, that gleam in his eyes, that perfectly tousled hair? Conner was beautiful but something in the back of my mind reminded me that he was not the most beautiful face I'd seen. So when he leaned in to kiss me again, I pushed away and looked toward the road.

"You were going to take me to Taki's right?" I asked him trying to remain serious when all I wanted to do is laugh about how stupid I was for trying to get out of a private place with this completely perfect boy. He didn't seemed to mind my stupidity because he remained smirking and turned towards the steering wheel.

Taki's wasn't too far away from there. We had gotten to the restaurant within five minutes. Luckily it wasn't too busy and we got a booth in the corner. Conner simply couldn't stop smiling after we kissed. The goofy look on his face made me laugh. He reminded me of a lost puppydog who finally found his way back home. Looking at him, I giggled.

"What?" he asked still smiling.

"You look like you just kissed Megan Fox," I remarked as I picked up my menu, pretending like I didn't already know what I was going to order.

"I _feel_ like I just kissed Megan Fox. You're a really great kisser, you know," his smile grew larger if that was possible. I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my annoying blush.

"How do you know Megan Fox is a great kisser? Have you kissed Megan before?"

"You like to avoid compliments," he said matter-of-factly, still smiling.

"What makes you think that?" I frowned looking at him.

"Because you tend to make sarcastically funny remarks when someone gives you one. You also do that in insults which makes me believe that you don't like talking about yourself," he looked down at his menu as the waitress came to take his order. He was right. I tended to joke around to revert the attention from myself. Is that because I don't think highly about me? Or is it because I was afraid that if I let people talk about myself that maybe it would lead up to asking about the past? Sometimes I wished that the past wouldn't define me like it did. It seemed like everything I did was to avoid bring it up. Did I not want to talk about my father with anyone because I didn't want sympathy or because I just didn't want to bring it up? Because I didn't want to feel like shit again?

The waitress turned to me and I ordered my usual, pumpkin pancakes and a glass of lemonade. She smirked at my choice and turned to Conner. It was evident that she thought it was funny I was eating so much carbs in front of a boy as handsome as Conner. I recognized the waitress then. It was Kailee, one of the bitches from school on the cheerleading squad. I didn't know she got a job a Taki's. But lucky for me, she left our table leaving Conner and I alone again.

"Yes," I mumbled at him. He turned to look at me, confused.

"What?" he asked.

"You said earlier that after I got over my shy phase, I might say yes if you asked me out. I didn't really give you an answer then so I'm giving you it now. Yes. I am telling you yes," I told him. I didn't smile. I tried hard to remain straight face so he would take me seriously. But he smiled of course, showing off his pearly whites.

"I didn't technically ask you yet," he said. It was then that the edge of my lips curved up, "Clarissa...um what's your middle name?"

"Adele," I replied quickly.

"Pretty," he mumbled as he reached across the booth and started playing with a lock of hair, "Clarissa Adele Fray, will you be my girlfriend?"

I bit my lip, pretending like I was actually thinking about my answer. Conner was laughing me and I shoved him playfully on the shoulder.

"I might say yes," I teased as we both leaned in closer, to closed the gap between our lips. He smelled like lemons strangely as I kissed him. Between kisses all I could say was simply "yes".


	8. Maybe You Never Wanted the Perfect Date?

**Sorry this chapter didn't come earlier. I was reading fanfictions instead of writing them. Thanks for all of the new reviews and follows by the way. It really makes me happy to check my email. I am back at school now so posting wouldn't happen every day. Sorry I'm too busy for that. **

**From the people who reviewed, we have mixed reviews on Conner. That's ok because my goal is for you guys to love him and hate him at the same time. Also, I am considering writing another fanfic that's been in my head lately. Summary: Clary hated being divorced. It wasn't like her and her ex husband didn't love each other. She loved him more than anything but life got in the way and it just didn't work. How did she end up heartbroken? It seemed only yesterday, they meet in that coffee shop~~~ Jace first saw her in a coffee shop. Her red hair brew in the wind whenever the door opened. She was captivating and he loved her more than anything. But their love was about to be torn apart. Based off of TMI and the musical The Last Four Years. I've starting writing a little bit. Would you guys be interested in reading something like that?**

**And yes. There is a little Unwind reference in here if you've read that book. Except for the boy in that book spelled his name C-O-N-N-O-R and with no "E". I wrote about the character Conner before I read Unwind btw so this Conner is nothing like Connor. Obviously because the Connor in Unwind is more like the Jace in TMI. Well maybe a little less cocky as Jace. And there is another TDI reference, I couldn't find another way to avoid this one. Isabelle is popular so she needed more friends. I thought it would be better than just reciting random names.**

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I woke up that next morning with a pain in my side that hurt like hell. I probably had a blackout last night because I didn't remember going to bed at the Lightwood's. At least I had enough brains to fall asleep here last night instead of my apartment. I lifted up the blankets to find a huge bruise on my side."Great," I mumbled as I went to the bathroom to take some Advil and bruise medication. It was not a pretty site. There was a mixer of colors evident on my skin. Shades of purple, brown, and red popped out like the colors of the American Flag. I wasn't scared though. Believe it or not, things like this have happened to me before, especially when my father was still around. At that time, I couldn't remember when I didn't have a bruise or at least was bleeding. I used to wake up early in the morning and steal my mom's makeup so no one at school would notice. Pain is not something you flaunt. At school, all people want is for everyone to be exactly the same. Those who are pretty and mean tend to be popular and those who speak their mind and are nice, tend to remain lower on the social ladder. Sometimes I think the real reason why I play baseball is not because I like sport but because I like to pretend that when I swing that bat, I am taking another whack at the invisible bars that I can't escape from no matter what I do. I feel like I'm stuck in this bubble in which I am living in and needed to keep things inside. No matter how much I wished I could be myself, I knew that everyone else would only see me as different and different is not cool to them.

_Not necessarily_ I told myself _look at that Clary girl. She is nothing like everyone else yet lately she's the only thing people have been talking about._ It was true. Ever since Ginger started dating Conner Samson, all of the girls have been speak of was her. Clary this and Clary that. Why does that bitch get a guy as sweet as Conner they could say. Even the girls I was dating would talk about Conner nonstop like this girl, Risa.

"Conner is so completely...perfect. I wish he would get over the redhead and look at me in a different light," she'd tell me enthusiastically.

"What about me, babe?" I asked her innocently.

She shrugged. "I was kind of hoping you'd be a good one night stand," she said before walking to my apartment.

I didn't see her again after that night. But she wasn't the only one who was engulfed with the idea of dating Conner Samson. I was lacking now more than ever on the lady department. After seeing Clary with Conner, they all wanted more of a commitment. And I was not that type of guy that would give them that. So I broke up with each one of them. Because of Clary and Conner, women wanted more out of myself. They didn't understand that I was incapable of giving them that due to events that had occurred within my past. I, Jace Lightwood, was incapable of falling in love because I've never been given love. It was too late to change me now.

So showing the girls that perfect long term relationship can't exist so I can continue playing all the girls meant no more Clonner like Isabelle liked to call them. I had been thinking about ways to break them up for awhile now yet only one seemed reasonable: Making Clary fall in love with me and not him. It couldn't be hard because I had already kissed her before. And by judging her reactions afterwards, she liked it. All I needed to do is stop being an ass to her and hopefully she'd be in my arms by the end of the week.

I got dressed quickly, eggar to run into Ginger. Isabelle already had plans with her so she wouldn't be with Mr. Perfect all day. Thankfully I had adoptive sister the age as myself to friends with the girls I'm interested in.I ran down stairs to see Izzy already heading out the door with her car keys.

"Hey, Iz! Where are you going," I asked her like an annoying four year old asking questions about every stupid thing. She stopped and glared at me, unsure whether to be worried or happy that I was up and dressed by eight o'clock without anyone bugging me to get my ass out of bed. So instead, she settled with a skeptical look.

"I'm hanging out with several of my friends," she said prolongating each words to ensure me that she still wasn't willing to place trust in her blonde brother just yet.

"Can I come? I thought I was your friend too?" I tried to say as perky as humanly possible. It's really hard to sound positive when you don't really care what people think of you as long as they leave you alone. I've been by myself for ten years now. I was great at being alone if people just left me be.

"Jace, your an ass who has slept with almost every single one of my friends. There is a reason why I keep you away from everyone else. I can't be friends with truly anybody because you just can't learn to keep your penis in your pants. So yes you are my friend that I'm afraid to take around with me," she sighed.

"That wasn't a no," I pointed out to her.

"Keep your pants up and you can come. Well you also have to drive," she sighed throwing the keys towards me as she walked out the door, waiting for me to follow her. I smiled slightly and headed towards the car. I loved the fact that Izzy always hated to drive.

Once I had started driving, Izzy could not keep her hands off the radio station. She couldn't pick whether she wanted to listen to country or rock or pop. As she flipped through the stations she decided on pretty much the worst song ever.

"No," I said simply, reaching to change the channel. She screamed and smacked my hand away.

"No, Jace," she whinnied, "it's officially summer. And what screams summer better than Call Me Maybe? It's addicting!"

"It's annoying" I mumbled back at her.

"Jace, if we really fight about this, who will end up winning really? You? No. You know I get everything I want. Even when I'm not being a bitch." She was right though. There was no point in arguing with my sister. She would always convince you she was right and that we should do want she wants to do. It was a pain in the ass. So I let her listen to her dumb ass song. I didn't get the hype of it though. It wasn't like this chick was a good singer or anything. She just had a song that was way too catchy for anyone to handle. Lucky the song was over soon and we were parked at the breakfast restaurant within the next couple of minutes.

"Look, Jace. Clary's here and I know you have some sexual tension with her or something but she is dating Conner now so please don't be an asshat. I'll kill you if you do. You missed you chance on this girl, she is dating someone sweet and perfect. Trust me when I say this, Clary WILL NEVER DUMP CONNER SAMSON FOR YOU!" Isabelle explained by emphasizing each word. Were my intentions that obvious? Would Clary know the second I walked through that door that I was about to do anything possible to break her and her boyfriend up and keep going on with how life was supposed to be? I had no clue so I shrugged at Isabelle and stepped out the car door.

I saw her in the window completely oblivious about the outside world. She had her hair pulled up in a messy ponytail and was wearing tiny shorts with an oversized band shirt of the Who. In her delicate hands sat a sketch book and a number two pencil. She was so engulfed with her drawing, it was cute. I wasn't aware off it but looking at her in the window made my heart start beating faster and suddenly my lips felt warm like the sun. That was the first moment when I truly realized that it was a good possibility I really liked Ginger. She defiantly was one of the prettier girls he's seen. Her beauty wasn't flaunted at you like Isabelle's or Aline's though. It was something had to discover if you looked close at her. She didn't need makeup or anything to bring out her beauty. Something about that made her appealing. I understood why Conner asked her out then. Just looking into those jade eyes made it difficult to say the right thing. That why the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "what the hell is that, Ginger?" as I pointed out her drawing.

"I don't know," she said defensively, hugging her sketch book to her chest, "I was doodling." I knew this was the perfect chance to receive extra points on the Fray train before Izzy showed up so I slid across from her.

"You're really good," I whispered quietly. She looked at me with shock.

"You're complimenting me? I thought you hated me, especially since I kind of poured soda down your pants," she said putting her sketch book in this little blue backpack.

"Yeah, I think my privates are still sticky," I teased her with a slight smile. Thankfully, she reciprocated it.

"Sorry but you were getting on my last nerves," she said, her voice evidently clear that she was not sorry that my favorite pair of jeans will forever smell like Coca-Cola. I laughed when Izzy came finally.

"Well, great news," she said with false excitement, "just texted everyone else no one could come. Aline's parents took her to visit her grandma in Europe, Alec says that he doesn't feel good, Maia is grounded and can't see anyone, which means Jordan's not coming too and Tessa is too busy flirting with Will and Jem to drag her butt over here. So we are by officially ourselves -Why were you two laughing and getting along?" she interrupted herself as she looked from Clary to myself. We both shrugged at the same time which made Izzy glare at me as she scooted next to Clary. A waitress in her mid twenties came up to us ready to take our order. She was totally trying to flirt with me at the same time so when I was done with telling her what I wanted for breakfast, I had reminded her that I was only seventeen and she should pursue someone in her age group. I wasn't that much of a man-whore to get it on with girls almost ten years older than myself. My remark to the girl made Clary laugh. Apparently Gingerl found me rejecting girls amusing for some reason. The waitress certain didn't because she walked away from the table with a frown etched into her lips.

"So Clary," I said to her nonchalantly, "you and Conner Samson, huh?" she blushed at my comment and moved her fingers gently on top of her lips. Oh shit, I thought. She actually liked him. And judging from how red she was, she liked him a lot.

"Yeah," she responded, looking down to stare at the floor. I didn't know how to respond to that without sounding like a douche. I knew the douche act made her only dislike me so I looked down as well. Thankfully I had a talkative sister sitting across from me to move the conversation along.

"Where is the handsome Conner today? I told him he could come as well," Isabelle stated, clearly wanting more people to be there.

"I don't stalk him, Izzy. If he couldn't come it was probably for a good reason," Clary snapped. Good. They didn't keep tabs on each other wherever they went. That meant they weren't too serious and I had a little wiggle room.

"What is making you so bitchy today, Clare?" Izzy said defensively.

"Sorry I was up late last night with Conner. He had tickets to see U2 and invited me to go with him. I badly need coffee in my system or I will snap even more." Shit. They were probably cuddling while listening to Bono sing "one love, one life". Conner wasn't a playing around with her.

"I'll go get you one," I said eyes already sifting to the waitress who thought I was hot. Maybe Clary would find me more appealing if I exerted some chivalry. At least I knew she would be less cranky.I flashed a cricked smile at the slutty waitress and leaned my elbow on the counter by the bar. She put her hands on her hips trying to act mad that I blew her off earlier but clearly could not contain her feelings for myself because the tips of her mouth curved up slightly."Come back here to change your mind, Pretty Boy?" she teased as she reached across the table to show off her cleavage to me. This girl was probably one of the most skankiest girls I've ever met which is saying something because my Sister's best friend was Aline. She wore red lipstick and way too much eyeliner. Her uniform was most likely two sizes too small as well. She looked dressed for a club not to wait tables for a breakfast restaurant.

"No sorry, babe. I was just really craving coffee," I told her. Her shoulder slumped and her smile dropped as she went to retrieve the coffee. Why give her false dreams? I was never going to be with her.

Once I got the coffee and brought it back to the table, Clary and Isabelle were silent. They both looked at me wide-eyed like they had no clue who I was. Izzy's mouth even fell in shock.

"Who are you and what have you done with my brother?" Izzy exclaimed as Clary reached over to grab her coffee. I ignored my sister and watched Ginger take a big sip of her coffee cup.

"Don't you like cream or something in that?" I asked her.

"No. Black coffee is my thing. My mom says it's unhealthy and blames my..." she cut herself off looking between Izzy and I nervously before continuing, "...dad for getting me into the habit." Clary took another sip as she looked out the window, deep in thought. She was slightly gnawing on her bottom lip like digging her teeth tightly in the bottom lip would keep her from talking anymore. I frowned. Clearly something was going on with this girl that no one knew about. This little moment confirmed my theory that she was keeping something bottled up inside. She was always blanking out at the weirdest of times and that painting she did last year that the art teacher, whom I obviously hated because I turned her classroom into a swimming pool, kept raving about the entire school year. Maybe I noticed the quiet girl that kept to herself more than I would have liked to admit. But back then, she was just a girl who like to stare out the window in class. In my mind she never really had a face. The painting was just a painting made by some artist. Now that girl had a face in my mind. The painting I never really understood finally had meaning. It spoke wonders about this girl standing in front of me.

Isabelle kept the conversation running as our food came and we all ate in silence. Occasionally, Clary's phone would buzz and she would look down smiling as she quickly typed out a response.

"Boyfriend missing you?" Izzy teased her as she leaned over, stealing some of my pumpkin pancakes. I whacked her hand hard which cause my sister to send an intense glare towards me.

"I like my pancakes. I'm sorry you have a strange need to not each food anymore," I mumbled. Clary smiled and pushed her plate of Belgian waffles towards Isabelle. Izzy laughed at me cynically."Yeah, he is. Conner wants to know if we can hangout tomorrow. He wants to go to the beach tomorrow."

"Romantic," Izzy said, stuffing her face in waffles."No that's just corny," I remarked."Well what's your idea of a perfect date then?"

"One that doesn't just include sex?" I responded as Izzy slapped me, "God I was just kidding. No I think the perfect date isn't something you would call typical. So many couples go to hangout on the beach because they associate it with something romantic. But the best date is something that surprises you that it's romantic. It makes your stomach feel uneasy because you're with the right person. I haven't had one yet, though," I explained, sticking my fork into my pancakes.

"Maybe you just aren't looking the perfect date because you don't want to let yourself feel something for someone," Clary muttered under her breath. We both stared at her in slight surprise. It wasn't like her to talk about something like that so seriously. The worst part is that I knew she was right about it.

"Clary," Izzy said with caution, "do you want to go to the mall now?"

"You didn't pay yet," I answered for Ginger.

"That's why I'm glad I brought you," she said, getting up and grabbing Clary's arm. She let Isabelle drag her as she stared back at me shrugged before they disappeared behind the front doors. Stanky waitress came to bring the check and I paid for all of our meals. She left her number on the check like she really believed I would call after I had already rejected her twice. She was so ignorant.

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**Sorry this chapter isuneventful. This chapter and the next were supposed to one but I wrote more than I thought I would for this. And I didn't want to keep you guys waiting anymore. I promise I'll post again super soon. Like Friday maybe Thursday?**


	9. Never Even Hearing the Response

**Hey guys. Sorry that I haven't posted lately. Life has been hectic lately and I haven't had much time to write. So I have now learned not to make any promises on when I will write. Yes I will do my best to finish this story but it will take me awhile so bear with me. Thanks to everyone who hasn't left my story. It is always fun checking my email and seeing "hey, someone DOES like your crappy writing". It amazes me because I am know I could write this a lot better and a lot less trivial. This chapter sets up the next few chapters so please keep an open mind. You might be confused at one point or another but trust me that there is a reason Clary says or thinks the way she does this chapter. On another note, I am currently looking for a beta and instead of going through hours of beta profiles, I decided that I'd ask you guys. I really need a specific type of beta so I'm warning you now that if I try you out, I might need to go in a path. I am not critiquing your editing, I just am super picky about things being edit in my story. (Note: I might allow for more than one beta depending on what I feel like I need. And I will credit you in the beginning) **

"What the hell was that?" Izzy asked me as soon as we were out the door, "You're dating Conner. You like Conner!"

"What I are you talking about?" I asked confused.

"You were staring at Jace like you were in love with him. Clary, Conner is a good boy. Jace is an asshole. He will always be an asshole. Do you have any idea about how many girls he's slept with? He has his own freaking apartment just to have his way with every girl that catches his eye and then he dumps them like yesterday's trash. Clary, you can't be nice to him! I mean look how you two met! The whole event only happened because he thought he couldn't get into Aline's pants. Who knows, maybe he thought he could get into yours that night!"

I stared at her wide-eyed and confused, "I still don't know what your talking about, Iz. I don't like Jace. I know the type of person he is and I have a boyfriend now that actually is sweet and adorable. And Jace made it clear that the only reason he went to that stupid dance with me was because he didn't want to go with ALINE, not because he want to get into my pants. And I was actually talking to him before he sort-of kind-of asked me to the dance. And I DON'T LIKE HIM!" I explained, trying to open the car door before this escalated any further. Izzy pushed herself in the passenger seat of the car and looked at me with her arms crossed. From the look on her face she hadn't believed my words. I sighed, "Look," I said in a calmer voice, "my entire life I've been sitting in the background of everyone else. My mother, my friends, my peers. I was afraid of letting myself receive even a little bit of attention because I didn't want to be that girl that everyone hates. That girl whose selfishness gets the better of her. So I've been making excuses on why I couldn't just once speak up and put myself first. Lately I feel like I was only avoiding being bubbly because I was afraid of moments like this one. I suck at talking about my problems. I am really horrible. My mom was completely positive last year I was going through a mild stage of depression. She freaked out on me, saying that she had no clue what she'd do if I committed suicide. It's just her and I at home so if I died, she'd be completely alone. So she sent me to some therapist for an hour everyday. In that entire hour, I said only three words; 'I'm good, thanks'. My mom spent $500 for me to go to this stupid shrink who was supposed to be the best in the business for me to just say three words. Even afterward, when she finally agreed the therapist didn't work, she feels like I need to talk about my problems somehow. Why did I all of a sudden seem so melancholy? She doesn't understand why I was so unhappy. I never did have thoughts of suicide but I knew, this was not the life I wanted. And I knew if I went out of my little bubble for just a moment, I would would be forced to start talking about things that I'm not ready indulge in a conversation about. I remember I woke up that morning just like any other. But my mom had told me the night before that we would have to move in with Luke in dumb ass Boston after their stupid marriage. I thought I would be mad but I knew that I had nothing I wanted here. Why should I want to stay so bad? I grew up in New York. I know the city better than the back of my hand. Yet there was not a single reason to keep me here. I realized then how much I settled for and gave up. I did not try to be important and so I would leave next year and not a single person at our school would care. But I did. So when I saw Jace in that stupid principal office and thought that this was the chance I need to make something of myself. So I did. But with Conner, for the first time in my life, Izzy, I truly feel important. I feel wanted which something I've never been able to say. So I'm sorry if it may seem like I'm in love with both Jace and Conner but I'm still not even sure if I ready to love even one person, let alone two. So no, Iz. I am not in love with Jace Lightwood."

I quickly placed the key in the ignition before she could respond and drove towards the mall. Luckily, Isabelle wasn't in a talking mood and didn't press the issue anymore. I couldn't talk about my past. Not yet. I still felt as though there are these bars surrounding me, trapping me in a world I never wanted to be in. Finally I feel like I am taking a whack at breaking them but know that I am still no where close of being completely free just yet. "Max was twelve when he died. I don't know if you remember this but before he died I had dated Jonathan for two years. And trust me, they were a nice two years and I had a lot of fun with him. But after Max died, I just felt like there was no longer that spark. I felt like he'd never understand my pain. All he ever wanted was to have fun and I mean that in the most figurative form. But I didn't want that anymore. I wanted to cry and just let my brother's death consume me. So I dumped him. Him and every guy I've met since. Clary, I know how it feels to push others away or want so hard for that raw aching feeling to go away. You don't have to talk about who you've lost or why you're in so much pain. But I don't think you should drag either Jace or Conner along if you're never going to feel love for them," she said without looking at me whatsoever. I had to drive so I used all of my effort to push the tears away.

"How do you know I'm in pain?"

"Because I am too. I just mask it differently," she told me before she took out her phone and started texting like our conversation never existed. I sighed. Was I dragging Conner a long because I liked him or was I wanting to feel something for once? Could I love him? I didn't know then but the idea seemed foreign. I still didn't believe I was capable of that.

I pulled into the mall parking lot that was completely crowded. I spent ten minutes looking for a parking place and eventually had settle with a parking space three blocks away which pissed Izzy off because she was wearing seven-inch stilettos that just looked painful. That's what you get when you decide to go shopping in New York City. By the time we finally reached the mall, Jace was already waiting for us, looking bored.

"What took you so long?" he asked. I glared at him. "There were no parking spaces and Izzy had to walk in those," I said, indicating to his sister's shoes.

"I parked in the handicapped section."

"There's a huge fine for that, you know?" I remarked. "Not when you ex girlfriend's mom lost feeling in her legs and she gave you the extra sign. She forgot to take it back when I broke up with her," he smiled.

"Man-whore," I muttered under my breath. He must have heard because his lips curved up higher and he release a tiny laugh.

"Okay, now that we've established that I should've went with Jace to the mall, can I please go to Forever 21. It's summer shopping trip number three this year," Isabel whined.

"It's the start of summer. How can you've already gone on three summer shopping trips?" I asked.

"Be surprised it's not already seven," Jace responded causing me to glared at us and threw her purse at me as she painfully walked towards the Forever 21 with Jace and I walking slowly at her heels. She looked like a child in a candy store within the mall which makes me glad I hadn't gone with her here before. I had a feeling she would go crazy among all of these clothing.

"Is she always like this?" I asked Jace as we finally reached the store and Izzy was flying from rack to rack, grabbing several items from each.

"I'm pretty sure she has tried to sleep here several times but the security guard always seems to find her and tells her to go home. She does come home pissy a lot so..." Jace teased in a totally serious voice. It made his joke even more hilarious. I laughed hard as he just smirked at me, flashing his yellow crooked teeth. It was reassuring to know that not everything attached to this golden boy looked perfect. The funny thing was the imperfections made him in my eyes, something better than perfect.

"Why are you being so nice to me now?" I said, calming down and moving into a more serious tone, "I thought you hated me or something."

"I don't hate you, Ginger. I just like getting under your nerves?"

"Why not today, then?"

"It's a little exhausting, don't you agree?" he asked me. I nodded at him slightly and moved my gaze towards Izzy. She was moving towards us now with a huge pile of clothing ranging from tank top to jeans to winter coats to shorts. She had a huge smiled plastered on her lips that didn't reach her eyes. The dark brown irises glared at me and Jace. She rose an eyebrow at me as if to say, "you sure you don't like him?" I looked alway hoping that my body language would answer her question. I mean I had just yelled at her in the car about it.

"These are for you," she said to me, handing me a huge pile of clothing. I looked at Izzy wide eyed.

"Umm..."

"Shut up, you asshat and just put it on," she said, causing Jace to laugh, hard. Izzy's clothing she picked out for me seemed to pile up. Since at the store you are only allowed six articles of clothing at a time in the dressing room. Izzy definitely picked out more than that so she sat outside of the dressing room and whenever I was finished trying on one, she would hand me another. Towards the end of the pile of clothes, she handed me this peachish pink dress that had only one strap. It reached slightly above my knees and clutched all the right places. It was simple but elegant at the same time which surprised me because almost all of the clothes I've tried on so far were things that Izzy would wear. Things that screamed, "hey look at me". I slipped on the dress and walked out of the dressing room. When Izzy saw me she gasped and told me to turn around to check out the back. I guess Isabel was pleased because she started jumping and kind of freaking out.

"Clary, you look so gorgeous in that! You have to wear this on your date with Conner!"

"Isabel, I don't think this is the kind of thing you wear to the beach," I told her skeptical.

"Then wear afterwards because any guy that sees you in that would want to have sex with you right then and there."

"As a proud virgin, I don't think I should buy this dress," I told her. She sighed and grabbed my arm, dragging me out of the dressing rooms towards Jace. He was sitting at this bench waiting impatiently. When he saw us, I swear his eyes almost popped out of his head. I didn't understand either because the dress I wore to the dance showed a lot more skin than this one did and Jace seemed like the type of guy that like more of the physical aspect of a relationship.

"Jace Lightwood, would you please tell my friend that she looks gorgeous and should buy this dress to wear on her date this week?" Isabel stated, clutching my arms like she was showing her brother a doll that she dressed up. Jace didn't respond right away. He looked as me up and down, his eyes pausing at my boobs and then stoping at my face. He smiled for a minute which caused me to frown. What the hell was he doing? He looked down nervously.

"You look beautiful in that dress," he mumbled with a slight smirk on his face. I couldn't decide whether he was serious or not. With Jace, you never could.

"I told you, Clary. Now go take it off so you can help me try in my things," Isabel started with a smiled that screamed, "haha, I told you so."

I didn't realize how much clothes Forever 21 had until Izzy had tried on almost everything in the store. I felt like I had been standing there for days, waiting for her to come out so could comment on the dress or shirt or pants or whatever else Izzy had tried on, then handing her the next piece of clothing. Some of looked like they came out of Lady Gaga's closet, other didn't look legal, and very few were cute and appropriate. Izzy looked great in everything though. She really liked the skimpy outfits. I could tell because whenever she came out of the dressing room the "toosluttytonotgetraped" outfits, she would have this huge smile on her face like she knew that she looked hot. She would ask my opinion and at first I gave her honest answers but by the twentieth dress, I was to tired of saying exactly why I did or didn't like it. So I resorted to yeahs and I likes.

After hours of this, the lady came in to say that we needed to leave the dressing rooms because other people were waiting. Izzy sighed and moved with more than thirty different items to the check out area. I clutched my dress as I reached out for my purse to pay for it. Izzy looked at me funny.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"You don't need to pay, Clary. I've got you covered," she said.

"Izzy you have like a thousand dollars worth of things right there. I can pay for a twenty dollar dress."

"If I am already paying a thousand, why not add another measly dress? Clary, seriously, I don't need the money," she said taking my dress for my hands and bring it to the counter to checkout.

Jace move over towards me, holding three Jamba Juice cups. He handed me one nonchalantly.

"Someone wasn't patient," I said looking down at the cup.

"I have done this before, Ginger. I knew I had enough time to grab a drink, make-out with a random chick and come back before my sister was ready to go. It's an Strawberry Whirl by the way," he said. His hand move to remove the cover of my straw. He crumpled it up and placed it in his pocket. I stared at him as he remained captivated with my straw.

"You didn't make-out with another girl," I said quietly. He looked at me surprised. It was the first time I really believed that my words caught him by surprise and I had kissed him, shoved coke down his pants, and told him straight out that he was afraid to feel something for a girl. "

What makes you say that?" he said under his breath. I took a sip of my drink. It was really good. I go to Jamba Juice often but I never tried this flavor before. It tasted warm which was strange since I was drinking a smoothie.

"Can I ask you something? When Izzy goes shopping and you leave, have you ever come back before?" I said moving my straw around a bit. He shook his head eyes widening. "Then why have you come back, today?" he shrugged at my question so I decided to answer it for him. "Look, you may be trying to woo me or make me fall in love with you, but let me be blunt. I am not the type of person who falls for a boy because of their pretty face. I really like Connor and I don't want to mess it up. He is already to good for me so you can bet that I won't fall for a douche bag like you," I said to him walking towards Izzy.

And I never did realize his answer to my words.


	10. Definition of Love By Jace Lightwood

**I am unsure if I should change the rating to M because of language and somewhat adult themes. The problem is that there will be NO CONTENT WORSE THAN IT IS RIGHT NOW so basically no lemons or lemonade. So what do you guys think. Is this story fine at T or is using the f-word pushing it too much? (Also letting you no that I don't actually cuss THIS much. Just imagining. Is the cursing a problems for rating? Should I use less to make it T? Also, I found a beta! Yay, right? So first of let me thank MIgirl923 for deciding to help me with my horrible mess of a story. It definitely needed edits. Hopefully, I will be able to fix the other chapters once I am done and life isn't hectic. **

**Letting you now that after January 2nd, I won't post for most likely two months or maybe longer due to personal reasons. That won't mean I am done with this story. I have a ton more to write and I am not even halfway done with this thing. I still have a lot more plot ideas. **

**Oh and by the way to the guest who asked what Jace said, trust me, it will be revealed later towards the end of the story. It was supposed to cut off from there.**

_...How does someone define love? I have this theory that everyone has their own definition of what it truly means. So I searched it up on the Internet. There is over forty definitions of it on alone. Number one: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. I been with many girls before and most likely threw out that word several times but I never once thought about my relationship being "profoundly tender". I guess there has been "passionate affection for another person" but I've never felt that beyond the physical aspect. Maybe I was gay as well because every relationship I've been in felt the same. I never felt butterflies in my stomach or lost my breath. I shouldn't say that I might be gay, though. If I were, I might have feelings for Alec, which I don't. I wanted him to be happy but I've never been attracted to him or any other boy so I guess I can rule the gay thing out._

_I hate 's definition of what love is. It makes it seem completely fake and turns humans into a piece of meat. "Tender and "Affection". Maybe it's society's definition of love that is preventing me from actually feeling it? Maybe I wasn't meant to be one of those characters in those books or in the movies that meets a girl and falls completely head over heels for her. I mean, nowadays most relationship end in heartbreak or divorce, which is technically heartbreak as well. Look at my parents for example. My mother was completely crazy for Stephen, my father, and rushed to salver their relationship when he left. In doing so, she left me without any parent. Because of her, I am in pain._

_Why push love? I won't feel it. Sometimes I have to check my pulse to make sure that my heart is still beating. That it is still there. I am scared that one day it won't be. Does this mean I have experienced heartbreak? From my unrequited love towards my mother? Couldn't I tell anyone about it? That I, Jace Lightwood was afraid of having his heart ripped out again when all I've ever done was rip out others. It is like the bully that bullies simply so they won't get bullied. That this person picks on others to make himself feel better but in the end it only makes him feel worse._

_Maybe I am the bully? Who compensates his true feelings so others won't realize that he isn't as cool as he acts. Maybe I want to be in love, to feel love for someone without running away. All I know is that I am tired of being a dick._

_"Profoundly tender affection"? What a lot of bullshit..._

Shit. My pencil broke. How did starting my summer essay on Romeo and Juliet turn into a venting machine. The start was rather good though, as I talked about the sun vs. night motifs and why Romeo killed himself beyond the idea that he was in love with some girl he met less than a week ago and he though she killed herself. It was the fourth time I wrote this part but after the section where I must place my opinion on the definition of love, the essay turns into a diary entry. Teachers will say it is too personal and needs to be more professionalism. Of course they'd be pissed of that I'd cursed in it as well. I crumpled up the paper and threw it into the trash can. Why did the essay have to be talking about the stupidest topic? Why couldn't we write it in Macbeth and how much of an idiotic coward he was**?** Julius Caesar and how Brutus plotted to kill him for being a horrible dictator? I hate Shakespeare.

It was one o'clock in the morning and I couldn't sleep. All the while, drops of rain trickled down the window which certainly sucked in the middle of summer. I really didn't want to be sitting in my room writing an essay all day long.

Mrs. Lightwood was convinced that I had to do the essay now or I would never do it and then I would start of my senior year with a crappy grade already in my transcript. I was close to a scholarship for sports but my grades were getting in the way and Mrs. Lightwood said she would not pay for a bum who couldn't get into college.

Basically, I couldn't have fun until the dumb ass essay was done. But I couldn't write it at home with Alec snoring up a storm.

I grabbed my jacket and scribbled a note to the Lightwoods letting them know I was going to the coffee shop down the street to write and consume some caffeine. I used to spend all-day in that tiny shop when I was a freshman. Few people ever went there and back then girls were way too clingy. I would go there to hide and be myself. I would take Max with me and we'd just talk about life together. He ordered a hot chocolate and told me about how his bitchy third grade teacher would always take away his comic books because he wasn't paying attention in class. While I sipped on my black coffee, I told him about girls and the best way to talk to them. After Max died, I stopped going. Suddenly, girls went from annoying and demanding to sexy and pleasing. When I arrived at the shop, there was a couple in the corner making out who were all over each other that they were practically having sex. In the middle of the room, an old guy was sleeping with his face in a bowl of oatmeal, snoring louder than an alarm clock. Finally, furthest from the counter was some girl, sitting quietly while reading a book. I smiled at the cashier, Ben, who recently graduated from my High School and was once a good friend of mine before the accident.

"Look who's here. I would have thought you ODed if it weren't for all the constantly girls talking about you at school," he teased.

"Nah, I'm not suicidal, just busy. Can I have a caramel latte? I haven't had coffee in awhile. I need to build up my tolerance again."

Ben nodded and went to go prepare my drink when I turned around and looked more closely at the girl reading. She wore a black jacket with her hood up, covering her face. I wouldn't have known it was a girl if it weren't for her shoes. No man would ever wear knee-high boots like hers. She leaned over to take a sip of her coffee when a lock of her hair fell out of the hood, flashing her red hair. Shit. I'd recognize those locks anywhere. She turned to look at Ben, like she was waiting for something, and confirmed my suppositions. Clary Fray, makeup free, with headphones in her ears, holding Romeo and Juliet. She didn't seem to notice me at first but after realizing that Ben was making another drink for a customer, she moved to look right at me. Quickly she looked away and tried to continue her reading but judging how much she was fidgeting now, I knew she was secretly hoping I would leave her alone. I was a dick.

Of course after I received my drink and thanked Ben, I went and sat down across from her, laying my laptop on her table.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked her, taking a sip of my coffee. She was hesitant to answer me. She bit down on her lip before she tugged out a headphone, letting her eyes escape her book and fall on me. She lingered her stare a little longer before she spoke.

"What makes you believe I am waiting for something at one o'clock in the morning?"

"Your look towards Ben told me so," I told her nonchalantly.

"Breakfast. Ben said that he wouldn't turn on the grill until later and I am starving."

"Why don't you go home to eat?"

"Because I can't read at home. I get distracted too easily. You ask a lot of questions," she told me, moving to taking a sip of her coffee.

"Do I?"

"See," she smiled and paused to take out a bookmark to mark her place and put away her iPod, "Why are you here at one o'clock in the morning?"

"Why are you?" I turned her question back to her.

"You also like to answer questions with other questions. I told you why I am here already. I want to finish reading and I can't read at home."

"You didn't read Romeo and Juliet yet?"

"No I have but I wanted to read it again. Make sure I didn't miss anything for my essay." "Did you already finish it?"

"Seriously?" she laughed which caused the couple in the corner to stop kissing and give Clary a death stare before the girl grabbed the guy's hand and headed to the bathroom. Seriously, could they find no better place to do it? Clary laughed even harder at this and I prayed that she wouldn't wake up the old man. Finally she calmed down enough to finish her sentence.

"What is up with the questions? You always ask them but you never answer them?" "What would you like me to answer?" I asked.

"Why are you here?"

"Same reason as you except I have to finish the essay not the book. I can't sleep and I figured the sooner I finish this thing, the quicker I have Maryse off my back."

"Maryse?" she asked.

"Alec and Isabel's mom," I responded.

"You don't think of her as a mom," she stated plainly. I laughed.

"You make a lot of statements," I told her, taking a sip of my coffee. She smiled at me.

"I like you like this. You aren't annoying. It's like we are almost friends."

"I thought we were friends, Ginger. I am slightly offended now," I teased. "Shut up," she said. She put her elbow on the table and placed her face on her palm.

"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!" I quoted for her and moved to try and grab her face. She flinched and took her elbow of the table.

"Who knew he could quote Shakespeare?" she teased.

"It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."

"Dork, everyone knows that one," she told me.

"Nope."

"Yes, it is almost as bad as 'O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name. Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love'"

"Not a lot of people know the ending to that quote. Most girls just say 'O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?' and think it's incredibly romantic" I said overdramatizing the quote causing Clary to laugh. She mumbled something but I couldn't catch it so I pretended like it didn't matter.

"I thought you didn't want me to talk to you, Gingy?"

"Gingy?" she raised her eyes skeptically at my nickname and crossed her arms, "and I don't want you to. You kind of sat down here and interrupted me from reading, which was the whole point I was here."

"Well, my apologies, Miss. Please do continue. I promise I will be a good boy and write my essay, now," I said in a cheesy English accent. She smiled and shook her head subtly before picking up her book and continued reading. I took out my laptop and started writing again.

_Love, a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. Love isn't just physical or romantic. Love can come from anywhere. There are things that can keep someone from feeling the emotion, mainly lost love or insecurities or selfishness. But love is something difficult to avoid. In Romeo + Juliet, the two lovers let their love consume them and blind their judgment for all other things. There are two types of love. Reckless and simple. Reckless love I'd like the love of Romeo and Juliet. It causes stupid decisions and eventually will become poisonous. Edward and Bella in Twilight can be considered reckless love in the beginning. (Not that I've read that book) The girl would do anything to keep her vampire boyfriend and eventually jumps of a Clift and later turns into a vampire, similar to Juliet who stabs herself. Simple love is when there is respect and care for another person. It goes beyond sexual attraction and is the type of love in which the two love birds enjoy each other's presence unconditionally. It is gentler and more difficult to find. Yet if Romeo and Juliet did not let their beliefs in fate take over them, then they might have been alive to... "_

I am done with my chapter," Clary said, interrupting my writing. She swiftly took a drink of my coffee, lips not too far from where mine were.

"So because you've completed your task, I have to stop mine?" I teased her, reaching for her coffee and taking a sip exactly where she has earlier. She looked at the cup for a little bit but she didn't say anything about me being out of line so I continued mocking her. "I don't believe that is fair, Little Red."

"What is with all of your nicknames? Do you not like my real name or something?"

"No, Clary is fine," I said, taking another drink of her coffee.

"I'm sorry I bothered you. If you like, you may continue writing. I was just about to go home anyways," she said smirking as she took another sip of my coffee, this time placing her lips completely on the place I had just put mine.

"Well, now I have to stop. I can't let you leave yet. That would make my late night coffee run suck completely. And who will I have to keep me company now? Ben is gone to the back room, it doesn't look like that old guy would wake up even if the world was falling apart, and I am pretty sure that couple having sex in the bathroom would only hate me even more if I decided to interrupt them again," I told her. I put away my laptop as she laughed at me, carelessly.

"Well, I guess I have to stay now. At least I will eventually get my breakfast," but clearly her stomach could not wait any longer because she reached in her bag and took out a granola bar.

"Can I have some?" I asked her. She stopped halfway through eating to stare at me, then shrugged, and handed me the bar. I took a big bite into it and handed it back to her.

"Hey! Who knows how long I will have to make that last!" she laughed, grabbing her bar back and held it like a baby. I smiled a carefree smile and threw my head back and laughed.

We talked until daylight. I asked her questions about Romeo and Juliet first and then I progressed into questions about herself. I found out that she has a brother seven years older than her that moved away to California the second he turned eighteen and doesn't call home anymore. Clary told me that she is kind of afraid that he might be a drug dealer now but then she laughed really dorky so I'm not so sure that was true or not. She told me about her mom being very jumpy and disorganized.

"My mom is like one of those single parents that need their child just to remind them to calm down and breathe. I swear that woman moves a mile a minute. I'm surprised that she ever gets a painting done," she had said. By then she finally had breakfast at the table and was switching from talking to stuffing her mouth. I also learned that she didn't have great manners. No surprise there.

"Paintings?" I asked her, hoping she'd answer before she went back to her breakfast. Luckily, she only had a bite of her bacon it wasn't so gross when she talked with her mouth full.

"My mom used to work for this big fancy business but she hated being in offices and the bitchy people who worked there. So I went home one day and she thrown out all of the paperwork and pinchy skirts and created her studio. She is a really great artist when she puts her mind to it. She recently sold one of her paintings for thirty grand. But she says that we aren't allowed to spend it on stupid things but I know that afterwards she went to the store and bought five pairs of shoes, so..." she took a bite into her pancakes.

"Sounds to me, she's like a child in an adult body."

"Humhmm..."

After that I knew I had to wait to get anything more out of her. She wasn't lying about how hungry she was. For me Clary was like one big puzzle I was itching to put together. I tried to convince myself that this was because I wanted her to fall for me so I could continue to screw girls again but truth was that I liked talking to her. She was quirky and strangely understood me. After she finished eating, she beat me to the race of questions. She started pounded them out one by one. First she asked simple ones like my favorite color, food, animal, etc. From there she started getting more personal like my feelings towards my adoptive family and my relationships with girls.

"Why don't you just ask me what you're wondering?" I told her.

"Which is?" she responded.

"How many girls I've slept with." Her face turned a bright red color, causing her to quickly look away.

"That is ridiculously personal and none of my business."

"It's ok. I haven't actually slept with that many girls. The girls mostly like to tell people they've slept with me and I am too lazy to deny the rumors," I told her. She mumbled again.

"Why do you have an apartment then?" she asked me. I raised her eyebrows at her as if to ask how she knew that. "Izzy told me," she said quickly in response. Of course my sister would say that. Probably to warn Clary not to get messed up with me. Typical Izzy, always getting involved.

"I mostly smoke weed there."

"You! You smoke! That is so gross? How have you gotten any girls in your apartment if it smells like a dead skunk in there all the time?"

"First of, it doesn't smell like skunk. Second, you'd be surprised how many girls get turned on by the bad boy who smokes," I teased her. "Jace," she paused saying my name perfectly clear, "you turned the art room into a swimming pool this year. You don't need help on the bad boy aspect." I looked at her for a little bit as she waited for my approval. Eventually, I couldn't hold it in anymore and laughed. She looked relieved as she joined in. Did she think she said something wrong?

Her phone buzzed.

She didn't look at it.

"Jace?" she asked, "Why do you refuse to let anyone in?"

Her phone continued to buzz.

It finally stopped.

She sat there waiting for my answer when it buzzed again.

And again.

"Would you please pick that up?" I told her, impatiently. She looked at me blankly as she grabbed the phone.

"Isabel?"

_Beat._

"No, I am getting coffee."

_Beat_.

"Yes, what do you want?"

_Beat._

"Yeah see you soon. Bye, Iz."

She hung up the phone. "I have to order Izzy some coffee and go now. She wants me to meet her at your house."

"She is desperate now. I heard that Aline and her are currently in a fight right Looks like she wants you by her side 24/7 now," I stood up, "I'll walk you there."

She ordered the coffee and then we headed out. We didn't talk much as we walked. Once she turned to me and asked about my essay. I told her that I had written the beginning well but once I had to express my own opinion on the story, I had trouble finding the right words. I was surprised when she didn't comment on that. That she didn't mention that I couldn't express my opinion because I was incapable of feeling love. I slightly had hope that she had talked about it and, at the same time, I was glad she hadn't. I wasn't sure if I was ready to discuss things that personal right now. We reach the front door and I hoped she would just walk in. Of course she turned around and said "I had fun. You aren't so bad when you aren't being a douche bag." She laughed. "You are surprisingly a good friend, Jace."

_Love, an intense feeling of deep affection..._


End file.
